Patterns are habitual ways of thinking,
feeling and behaving that we all engage in. Patterns also
have to do with our temperament that we are born with. Patterns lasts through our lives though they are formed in
childhood and they affect us in different ways. Patterns can be positive and negative. Positive patterns are what help us do things, achieve things, they help us take a leap of faith and get into
relationships, they help us become parents. Patterns are very liberating.
On the other hand, negative thinking patterns in particular
get in the way of our being able to achieve what we want to achieve in life. They get in the way of our relationships… Different people have different positive and negative thinking patterns.
Patterns are sometimes difficult to change because they are what makes life
predictable, they make us predictable to ourselves, they make others predictable
to us and make us predictable to other people. So, patterns are difficult to
change but they can be changed. Negative thinking patterns.. I can give you an example Let’s say there are three young
girls who have gone out for the evening One father starts
flipping out and gets really angry “How come she’s late, you know, how
come she’s breaking the rules?” He’s very upset! Another becomes very anxious, very worried…he starts worrying about all the things
that could have happened to her… maybe she’s got into an accident, maybe you know, mugging who knows so he’s very worried. And the third father
becomes very sad he starts thinking about how he’s just a very bad father,
he’s not good at parenting and he’s not been able to teach his daughter anything
and she’s, you know, not come back in time and it just reflects very poorly on him.
So, this is the same trigger, actually the same event, but it has evoked three
different reactions in three different people. Why is that so? That is because
these three people have different ways of thinking, they have different
fundamental beliefs about themselves… Now if these three fathers continue to behave in similar ways in other situations, so you know, the father who’s angry he goes to office, and
when in office something doesn’t happen the way he wants it to, he flips out and
get angry there, then that pattern is being repeated. Similarly with the father
who feels anxious, he goes to work and something doesn’t happen,
he starts worrying about how he’s going to lose the job and how he’s not going
to be able to meet make ends meet and so on and so forth. The father who’s sad,
you know, the same thing happens at office, he may start thinking about
how, you know, nothing ever works out for him… …repeatedly events trigger anger in you
or frustration or sadness or worry and this happens again and again and again,
then it’s a problem, then it is definitely a negative pattern, a negative
thinking pattern that is operating in your life and it is time to change it.
Now patterns can be changed and have been changed by many people. It takes
time, effort, patience but definitely can be done.