5 Key Phrases to Disarm a Narcissist-Reclaim Your Control/Lisa A. Romano

5 Key Phrases to Disarm a Narcissist-Reclaim Your Control/Lisa A. Romano


[Music] hi everybody Lisa a Romano here the breakthrough life coach and today I’ve been asked to do a video by a YouTube viewer who asked me point-blank listen Lisa I live with the narcissist I have to deal with this everyday can you just give me a couple of key phrases that I can use to like push him off balance and I thought sure I could give you some of the key phrases that I’ve used during my life the things that I want to make clear right here right now is that we cannot control someone else’s reality we don’t have the right to control someone else’s reality we don’t have the power to control someone else’s reality we really have to work very hard at changing our programming because what we don’t understand is that very often times we’re upset because someone else has a perception of us that were uncomfortable with and we challenge that person’s perception of us we’re upset that people think this about us whatever it whatever it is and something absolutely amazing happens when you begin to accept that other people are allowed to have their own faulty perception of you so let me get to the key phrases that I would like you to start experimenting with because I think there’s so much fun once you start using them and you see how you can push a narcissist off balance it’s just amazing and actually be fun so the first one is I’m sorry you feel that way so imagine what happens when you are dealing with the narcissist who are saying I know why you did that now I know why you said that and you said that because the blood wrapped up I know what because narcissists know everything they know exactly why you did what you did right of course they do so imagine what happens inside a narcissists head when you can when you come back with I’m sorry you feel that way that completely throws them off balance because they’re trying to engage you they’re trying to get you to defend yourself but when you just stand there and understand they have a right to see you the way they want want to and you can’t control it and you come back with I’m sorry feel that way imagine what’s happening is you are you are disarming it are me him or her and you are disentangling yourself from this dynamic that is going to go nowhere fast another fabulous thing that I like to say to disarm a narcissist is I can accept your faulty perception of me it’s it is absolutely phenomenal when you announce to the narcissist that I am acknowledging that you have this weird whacked-out perception of me and I can accept it because what they’re trying to do is engage you in not accepting their reality not accepting their reality of you so when you say I can accept your faulty perception of me you are cutting the psychic chords to this narcissist and you’re letting him or her know that you’re not going to be manipulated like whatever they think and feel is perfectly okay with you the third thing that I like to say if I ever have an exchange with the narcissist is I have no right to control how you see me it’s very much like I can accept your faulty perception of me but when you say I have no right to control how you see me you’re actually you’re driving home the point that you are acknowledging that they see you in a way that you don’t agree with but you’re absolutely okay with that so when you say I have no right to control how you see me you’re actually saying so imagine if a narcissist has a hook inside of you you’re actually saying um no I have no no right to control how you see me you’re allowed to see me any way you want you see we get caught up because we we hear what the narcissist is saying or they rewrite history or they Gaslight us and they tell us that we didn’t hear what we heard or they didn’t do what they did and when we finally start saying well I have no right to control how you see me or I have no right to control your perception of this situation you’re actually telling the narcissist that not interested in engaging in this warfare and what you think is totally fine and I’m not I’m just not going to go there anymore the fourth thing key phrase that I like to use in the narcissus is I guess I have to accept that that’s how you feel you see it’s all about accepting and allowing this person to be who they are and accepting and allowing this person’s perception of you even though it bothers you and even though it hurts like hell but when you send a clear message to a narcissist that I guess I have to accept how you feel or you’re entitled to your reality or whatever when you start using key phrases like this the message to the narcissist is oh oh she’s not willing to play the game the fifth key phrase that I like to use in a narcissist is your anger is not my responsibility now the reason that’s so important is because so many times a narcissist will attract an empathic person male or female and normally codependent person someone who is seeking validation from outside of themselves now I feel that narcissists seek power and control over which on this on the on the superficial level that might look like validation but I think they’re actually looking for power and control and they feel validated by the other person when they are able to communicate and control them and codependence is seeking validation so it’s a beautiful blend you know it’s a hand in a glove a narcissist in a codependent or a narcissist in an empath you know in these dynamics there’s only room for one self and that’s the self or the narcissist and both people are focused on the one person which is the narcissist the codependent or the empath is worried about the narcissist and the narcissist is worried about the narcissist and also we suffer the codependent and impacts we’re afraid to make people angry and narcissists know this and that’s why they get loud and that’s why they will shut down and that’s why they’ll ignore us and that’s why they’re withhold from us because they know that as a codependent an empath we need to feel that connection so when you say things when you send start sending these new messages like your Allah you’re allowed to feel you feel you’re entitled to see me how you want blah-blah-blah-blah-blah and you also add to that your anger is not my responsibility you’re letting the narcissist know that you’re not going to allow the fear of what they think about you to control you any more and that is powerful so that’s it those are the five key phrases that I want you to really practice and take home and write down in your journal and practice them and practice and practice them say them out loud you know so that it begins to fall off your lips allow people to be who they are even the narcissists in your life that doesn’t mean that you have to engage them it doesn’t mean that you have to give them any any space in your head narcissists can stay here and you can stay there and the gnosis can say what he wants and you can stay here and hold on to yourself you don’t have to be manipulated anymore you don’t have to engage if you don’t want to and I hope these key phrases have helped you and if they have leave me a comment below and if you can if you feel so inclined subscribe now must everybody I bow to the love and the light in you [Music] you

100 thoughts on “5 Key Phrases to Disarm a Narcissist-Reclaim Your Control/Lisa A. Romano

  1. I divorced my narcissist. He was a pathological liar, master manipulator, cheater, and mentally abusive. He's going on his 4th marriage and in time, his 4th divorce.

  2. How do I️ deal with an abuser who is using this against me? He’s diagnosing me as a narcissist and claiming I’m abusing him when I️ react to the horrible things he does to me.

  3. These videos,tools,information are literally saving my life I’m terrified everyday of my life how could I expect to end my drug addiction when I’m living with a narcissist I have so many questions and I’m so confused but through everything something deep inside of me just tells me that no matter what I need to keep learning more about manipulation and narcissism keep my faith in God and trust his perfect plan but above all stay sober…

  4. I find the phrase "I am sorry to hear that" is useful (ideally say if deadpan and walk off or turn you back to the end of the conversation). Use it when they come up with their invented / self created "problem". This works particular well if they come up with some big dramatic reveal, which you probably know already as they have trailered it with everyone around you as an attempt at manipulation. It lets you just acknowledge they have spoken with out engaging with them or trying to solve their problem. Often they laying out of their problem is a way for them to get something from you as most normal people naturally want to help / resolve the issue. When they keep going with their problem just keep repeating the phrase like a broken record. "yeah I am sorry to hear that", "really I am sorry to hear that" "oh I am sorry to hear that" etc

  5. I just discovered that my husband is a narcissist after 13 years of dating and 2 years of marriage 🤨🤨🤨.

  6. I've been with a narc 5 yrs he says he knows he has a problem and want to change but struggles to. I love him very much and believe oneday he will change it's just so hard cause I feel like I'm losing myself trying to help him. I'm in such depression I just wish I can cure him cause I dont no how much I can take😥

  7. LISA I JUST USED 1, 2 AND
    5. I FEEL SO GOOD. THIS IS THE REPLY VIA TEXT, WE WERE TEXTING, DUH, 👍. I AM NOT REPLYING TO THE THUMBS UP. I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED AND ENDURED. I GET IT. FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO DO WHAT YOU DO NOW, ADVOCATE, GOD BLESSES YOU A GAZILLION TIMES. SHARON PS ENJOY YOUR BEAUTIFUL RING. EVERYTHING. NOW PLEASE TEACH. HOW TO GET BACK TO THE PERSON I WAS POST PAPERS, NOT YET FINALIZED, WHEREIN I STOPPED DATING. I WOULDN'T EVEN DATE MYSELF. SO I REIGNED IN. Now I am attracting again but must have an aura or a drumpf wall saying something. That's not me. Thx. If you need a friend, any time of the day. 24 7 you can call.. Ill give you a number

  8. Hey, just popping in several years later to let you know that your book helped me with my mom. A lot. God rest her soul.
    If you see this, and you're willing, we would be honored to have you on our show!! I would love to pick your brain.

  9. You must judge people by their appearance, the opposite of what we're taught. For example, this lady has a snakelike nose, meaning she is a completely untrustworthy individual, I mean unless you really like snakes. She is obsessed with this subject matter because she had to find a way to obfuscate her true nastiness.

  10. These comments are a type of passive aggression aren't they, but my goodness we have to fight back with something. As Rhett Butler said in Gone With the Wind, "Quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn." Hope I got the quote right. ☺

  11. Narcissists love to bully people telling them off even if it hurts or cuts off the relationship is often worth it.

  12. I say I'm sorry you feel that way to my CN and she hates it and will then mock me and tell me not to say that to her

  13. i need help , my ex girlfriend, childs mother is a pure blood narcissist.i dont even like calling her that because that word gets thrown around so much, ive been trying to understand , my break up happened so fast, my flaws and everything i have ever done that you can consider a mistake or bad in a relationship was pilled up in to one over the span of 8 years and magnified and thrown in my face,. she treats me so bad now, so heartless , so angry , wont let me move on, trys to keep me going in this circle. is so stressful. tries to use my kid against me, like what did i do even. she keeps saying that everythings my fault , and blames me for everything that shes doing, i just dont understand. alot of the events that she claimed happened have been so twisted and screwed that there not even true. all over exaggerated . this is the second time shes broke up with me and done this, i was a fool to take her back the first time, but both events and the lead up and the smearing were pretty much copy and paste.

    why do they do this to us, we love them, they use our love as a weapon, its so un normal and frustrating,

  14. Awesome advice! Thanks for the tips. I’m going to use everyone of these phrases on the person this is being directed to. New subscriber!!!

  15. Thank you Lisa I said at the end of your video these tips will be life changing for me. Being a empath for over 50 years never was told about the narcissist which I always seem to date! Even worse married for 27 years! Who I finally left!

  16. I am chronically apologizing for things that are not my fault. So I have made it a point to stop saying I'm sorry. I prefer to say " It's toobad that you feel that way" or " It's sad that you feel that way" I am done a saying I'm sorry when other people are misbehaving!

  17. Some of them in my case seem like they would either blow more hot air into 1 particular persons head and take it as submission to be even more controlling or manipulating or provoke them to get agitated and be violent

  18. What about when the narcissist makes you angry because they twist reality. How do you control yourself when someone does rhis to you. Its insanity. And it literally makes you sick . what do you say or do?

  19. OMG!!! "I can accept your faulty perception of me"!! This is GOLD! I'm dealing with a nightmare of client right now and this just put me in a happy place.

  20. This is so funny… I use to always say to this narc guy I was dating. Well you have your opinion and I have mines. He would go on and on trying to persuade my opinion to his. I just kept responding your entitled to your own opinion and I’m entitled to mines sweet and kind. He would eventually have to change the topic to keep from getting more annoyed. I would crack up inside.

  21. These are generic statements if someone goes for low blows in front of everyone. How do u respond? Bc if you do respond they'll come back with something

  22. I am the daughter of a narcissist mother and I’ve suffered greatly in my choices in relationships as an adult. I’ve got to learn how to be an empath in a narcissistic world.

  23. Those phrases are highly provocative to a narcissist, its best not to be there or converse at all if there is any risk they could be come difficult or violent. Walk away, you dont have to engage with them at all. The biggest red flag to a narcissist is their feeling of loss of control over you and this is where serious domestic violence begins. Dont apologise, never confront, just choose your moment when they are not there and just leave without a word. Its far safer that way!!

  24. If you use these phrases yyou are still playing into their game, why bother giving them any of your valuable time and life, it is never worth it.

  25. I can not thank you enough. The covert narcissist. Im liveing with now i shut him down. Today with the saying you provided to me.tha k you so muchi feel empowered and so once i told him these sayings he got so angry his entire body language changed his facial fetatures changed. He wants to get a palce and i dont have enough. To save up. For my own place. So im stuc. For right now .please any tips will help keep in mind that he has assulted me

  26. Toward the end, a good 2 months into total grey rock, I used these with no emotion good or bad, just blank tone and expression;
    1. what's the difference, anything I say can and will be used against me. He froze for a good 10 seconds and then said 'fine' and walked away
    2. "ok" to this he would usually say something like "so you don't even care?" and I would look at him directly and respond, "what would you like me to say?" that shut him down 95% of the time
    3. "cool" to which he'd either say nothing and move on or again something about me not caring, then I'd just come back with the same "what would you like me to say?"

  27. 👍💞thank you Lisa, it has always been that I just do not know the words and phrases to stop verbal abuse. I did learn a few phrases to excuse myself but when still pursued I really had no understanding of what words could work for that. Namaste.

  28. Have you found that narcissists tend towards the disabled, because it affords them more control? That has been my experience.

  29. I don’t really care of what someone thinks of me. I sometimes hear false judgment at work about me but I don’t care to defend myself nor explain anything. I preserve my energy and I control on what I want to spend it.

  30. I'm not interested in your opinion of me. Your anger doesn't concern me. If I have to say this to anyone, I'm out the door as it will never stop. MUCH better to be alone.

  31. There are more female narcissists, in my opinion. And they're actually worse than the male narcissist, one big reason is that they are more easily able to trick the outside world that they're a victim and that the actual victim is the "bad" man, very typical outcome. Probably the most painful example is in family court. The dad knows who she really is, but the court leans as they always do, favoring the narcissist mom.

  32. What if they just use those phrases against you later and try to depict you as the narcissist? Any contact just makes them worse and worse and when trying to cut loose

  33. If you have several relationships with a narcissist can you catch it like can it run off on you or am I just currently married to a narcissist who has me so damn confused I’ve officially lost it and now believe the things he says about me. Do narcissist tell you do something that they in fact do. I know this may sound weird but my husband tells me all the time I’m lazy and unorganized now I may be confused with all his antics but I know for certain that I am neither of those things. Not even a little bit never have been. Quite the opposite in fact. Not something I was ever really made to do just have always been that way naturally. This isn’t like a grey area sometimes I’m lazy Or messy but most the time not . I mean that’s just not who I am. It would be like if he tried to convince me I had blonde hair. I don’t you can’t make me think that and he can’t make think I’m lazy and organized. My husband on the other hand proudly boasts about his type A personality, and how he can’t stand messes, says thing like he has to have everything organized just so or he can’t sit down, says that he doesn’t see how someone could lay around all day, that he always has to be working on something or he feels like he’s wasted the day. At first I thought he just wasn’t self aware because he is by far the messiest person I’ve ever known and loves spends everyoff day laying on the couch. None of those things about him bother me I’ll pick up behind him because honestly I don’t mind doing it. He’s weak in that area and I’m strong so naturally I’ll do those things more than he does. Every off day since we’ve been married he lays around relaxing but the whole time he’s doing it he will talk about how it feels so weird for him to laying around and not working on something. In 5 years of marriage I’ve never once seen this man do anything other than lay around when he’s off work which is fine rest enjoy yourself but why pretend like you don’t enjoy a day of rest there’s nothing wrong with that. And why drill in my head as often as he can about my laziness and messes when that isn’t true. It’s almost like he’s trying to convince me that I’m not the person I know I am. There’s nothing wrong inherently with the way either of our personalities are the both have positives and negatives together they make a great team but why try to convince me that you have a completely different personality type when I live in the same freaking house. I have three babies Under 3 two of which have autism. They had a virus last week and I had been awake for almost 3 days straight with a constant rotation between the three of vomiting and diarrhea. He knew it this was common knowledge I told him to watch the kids so I could get a quick nap ya know so I wouldn’t fall over dead from exhaustion. And he said my god how much sleep do you need. I said what are you talking about he said I just let you sleep all morning. He was trying to convince me that I slept that whole morning when he was referring to me sleeping from 6am-9am on Monday because I’d been up with the kids that night as well. It was Wednesday and he seriously thought he could make me think that I had just woken up from a nap I’m not getting enough sleep to differentiate what really happens sometimes from what he says really happens. I swear the lack of sleep and all the breast feeding is making me stupid. I used to be smarter than him and he knew I wasn’t an easy target. Now it’s like he’s using my exhaustion against me. I’m not even sure what this is I don’t know if he’s a narcissist or what. He really sounds like he believes these things he says which worries me because he’s got some serious metal issues going on if he believes all of these made up things. Maybe he’s right maybe I’m losing it he’ll I don’t know anymore

  34. Every month beginning in September 2019, I am giving away a year long membership to my Breakthrough Warrior Membership Site–all you have to do to enter is Subscribe and click the notification bell. This is one way of me giving back to those of you who follow my work and dedicate yourself to love, light, healing, and expanding consciousness beyond our pain….LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!

  35. I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later…

  36. These key phrases are amazing. I’m to the point that he can’t do or say anything to trigger me anymore, but now he’s moved on to our kids and he’s slowly but successfully turning one of them against me and ‘Daddy does no wrong’…
    This is something I am struggling with terribly…to the point I am starting to even push her away because she’s starting to exhibit a lot of his behaviors towards me now, and I’m exhausted and scared of being continuously hurt by her, too. Do you have any advice or key phrase that will help me with my trigger points that are being triggered by my children.

  37. I have said these to people with what must be narcissistic behavior. But it makes them angry because, they don't want me to just be okay with but not agree with/admit or appologize for what they think of me (or as they put it KNOW who I am, what I've done and how I feel), so they don't stop arguing or trying to continue to keep me ingaged in the conversation for as long as it takes for one of us to just fall asleep or till the crisis patrol emergency van has to be called to stop her from attempting to kill herself or want to murder someone.

  38. Yep..don't let your ego get in the way. Everyone wants their feelings validated…the narc isn't trying to be a pain in your ass they just have a different way of thinking. Who is to say you're right and they're wrong..it's just two different perspectives.

  39. Very very good for personal and spiritual peace as well. If I can say these things and believe them myself then I feel like I'm actually releasing myself from these demons

  40. What you say is true. When I was young I learned to stop trying to change the world, and change myself to be better able to deal with this world.

  41. i told the narcs in my life flat out "i'm not playing these games anymore" and their mouths dropped and they stopped momentarily in their tracks and then they started a huge bicoastal epic smear campaign to take me down….all the way to chinatown….lol…. and it still continues but I let it be…thank god I found my HP!

  42. I like this a lot; however, from a spiritual sense I find it healthier to see personality disorders as beautiful parts of the universe. Without the narc, you cannot have the empath. The narc is not a Darth Vader as much as he or she is a broken gear in the clock of human experience. No gear is better or worse than another from a far away spiritual view.

  43. my question is .. part of this work is setting boundaries, so when they say something abusive should I not stand up for myself and say firmly that I do not want to be treated like that ?

  44. I re watch this one ☝️. It does help . But sometimes I forget those phrases . So I keep it close as a good reminder .

  45. Great video and thank you! My ex wife is extremely difficult, maybe it's the empath within me, that feels it's almost as if she doesn't even realize it when she is manipulative.. I do plan to shed the self created drama by her sooner than later, but I will tell ya… She always finds a way to pull me in and push my buttons.

  46. Brilliant advice and tools for life, if people practice long enough. I've ditched all my NPD numbskulls …but what I want to say is I learnt later . Women or men if your here take the psychological power back. These responses WILL work but don't get mad, don't get even . Most times we are cranky, we are really cranky at ourselves that we didn't set boundaries . Also go easy on your narcissist yes sometimes they are down right terrible but sometimes it's a big factor ….. sometimes they were never taught as a child or taught wrong and pandared too….point is a lot is the parents fault and we can't even blame them cause then it's what their parents didn't teach them and so on . It's a shame we have to learn all this psychological crap to just deal with people but spare a thought for those people that are this way… They have missed out on life lessons and really just will not get the amazing bonds with people in life that we do . They simply rub people the wrong way with their "I'm awesome just ask me " attitude . Don't hate em tho feel sorry for em and if your in this situation with someone you love definetly practise these tricks take the power back and in turn hopefully help the narcassist grow

  47. Thank you so much, my father is a narcissist and i am not able to get a job and i have to live with him so basically i depend on him and i have nowhere to go and the only reason he keeps me here is to use me and i just want him out of my business because im tired of his controlling ways and how behind doors he is like that but as soon as someone else outside the house comes in he is another completely different person pretending we are a perfect family when he even emotionally abuse his own mother and uses her for her money

  48. I was married to a covert narcissist 15 years. Was able to get away. 10 years later I find the stronger I get the more Narc's come around. This video is great. I need more of these phrases. I see around me at work, in family, and friends many of these types. In dating seems they are around in droves! Ugh

  49. When I sat down to talk with my partner who is narc and I told her how she hurt me the last fight we had and also the things she said to me. But her answer was that she is sorry that I feel like that and she did not say those things, that I must heard something else. She was in total denial and did not feel any responsibility about her own words and action. So narc also uses the same lines.

  50. I love how calm you remain when stating the facts. If I had to mention one thing from this video, it would be that I care how people see me. I am surrounded by narcissist. I am currently going up against a few that will most likely lead to court. I did not think I cared. But it annoys me when they saw faulty things about me. I should not care. I just wrote down your phrases that I will plan on using.

  51. I was reluctant about finding the truth about my cheating wife but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it and now I believe the saying that “The Truth Will Set You Free” cos I feel better and free now after knowing the truth. I got help from Cyberhackinggenius as he helped cloned my cheating wife’s phone and I got access to all her phone messages both deleted texts and social media chats without touching her phone. I’m glad to uncover her lies, secrets and Infidelity. All I did was share my wife’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read her recent and deleted messages from my phone through a programmed link shared to me without touching her phone and she has no idea her phone has been cloned. I discovered that my wife has been in a long term affair outside our marriage and it was very painful finding out I’m not the biological father of our last child. I’m finalizing my divorce with so many proofs and she is still in a complete shock about my findings. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146.

  52. This abuse, is DANGEROUS. Does any life coaches who specialize in narcissism know what LAWS are in place that support women and children, abused by a narcissist? Like, my kids' minds and my mind, are all BENT, SEVERELY FRACTURED.

  53. There´s no more time for games and those dynamic types. Let them with their arms and whatever perception they have about us. Love it! Wise advice, Lisa.

  54. Loved it. Saved it to my notes 📝 on my phone so I can use them when I feel flustered and want to react emotionally 💓 Thank you!

  55. This is one of the best narc vids I have seen. Short and sweet and it hit it spot on. Thank you! This one is going into my narc folder. It also made me realize how I have to work on my Coda stuff!

  56. Thank you for good advice, this will come in handy with an extended member of my family who has been rnning circles around me whenever their agenda needs to be fulfilled.

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