A Covert Narcissist’s Shocking and Disturbing Behavior (Spanish Subtitles)

A Covert Narcissist’s Shocking and Disturbing Behavior (Spanish Subtitles)


¡Hola a todos! Soy Debbie Mirza, la autora de El narcisista encubierto pasivo-agresivo. Quería hablarles a ustedes hoy de un comportamiento impactante que ellos hacen, que uno no ve realmente hasta, años después de que acabara la relación, empiezas a juntar las piezas sueltas, especialmente cuando estás en relaciones más saludables, y te pones a recordar lo que pasaste con el narcisista encubierto, y notas cosas que no notabas en aquel momento. Una de esas cosas, cuando tus ojos empiezan a abrirse, es impactante, es que en cualquier momento en que te has hecho daño o algo trágico te pasa, a ellos realmente no les importa. Pero, contrario a los narcisistas abiertos, que te gritan y menosprecian en formas muy abiertas, ellos te menosprecian en estos momentos por no importarles. Les daré un ejemplo que lo explicará mejor. Alguien con quien estaba hablando, estuvo casada por mucho tiempo con un narcisista encubierto, ella estuvo en un accidente de auto muy malo, es impresionante que sobreviviera. Su familia y amistades estaban devastados y llamándola, Dios mío, ¿estás bien? El pensamiento de perderla sería devastador Su esposo, la cuidaba, hacía las acciones de cuidar, cuidar a los niños, asegurarse de que se estaba recuperando, ayudando con los detalles con el seguro del auto, pero cuando esta mujer mira atrás, se da cuenta de que no hay devastación de parte de él, no hay “Dios mío, ¡te pude haber perdido!”, y cuando hablas con alguien, de hecho, tengo a un amigo que sí perdió a su esposa, y cuando lo escuchas hablar de ella, y la devastación, que le causó, y cuánto él la extraña a ella, y cuando cualquier cosa le pasaba a ella, mientras estaban en la relación, él estaba en seguida, queriendo ayudarla, queriendo asegurarse de que ella estuviera bien, así es como se ve el verdadero amor.Pero te acostumbras tanto a estos comportamientos con los narcisistas encubiertos, no lo puedes ver. Cuando ellos no están devastados, Cuando no dicen “wow, me moriría sin ti”, ellos no tienen ese sentimiento hacia ti, cuando miras atrás, ellos nunca te apreciaron así, y no es abuso abierto pero es devastador es devastador el que uno casi pierda su vida y que a tu pareja no le importara, cuando miras atrás con los ojos muy abiertos. Hablé con otra mujer, que tuvo una operación, y cuando ella volvió de la cirugía, él la buscó, la llevó a casa- es una de esas situaciones en que sientes que no puedes decir nada en contra de ellos, sientes, “oh, sólo estoy siendo sensible”, porque, te están ayudando, están haciendo cosas de ayuda, están ayudándote en la cama, te traen medicina o le que necesites en lo que te recuperas del dolor de la cirugía, pero tienes una sensación, cada vez que un narcisista encubierto está en una posición de cuidarte, lo odian, te tienen resentimiento, no lo soportan, no te lo dicen a tu cara, actúan como el señor o la señora maravillosa, ante la otra gente, y la gente te dice, “wow tienes tanta suerte, tu esposo o esposa te cuida tan bien”, o tu mamá o papá, pero lo que tú sientes es su rabia, tú sientes es su rabia, cuando estás acostada en la cama desde después de la cirugía, o cuando estás muy enfermo, o cuando te hiciste daño cuando estabas en la bici y te caíste, y tuviste una mala herida, tú sientes su rabia hacia ti, y te dicen cosas que no son gritando o menospreciándote, pero en una forma de hacerte pagar. Sabes… Por ejemplo, la mujer que tuvo la cirugía, y llegó a casa, y el marido la estaba ayudando, él se sentó a su lado cuando ella estaba despertando de la anestesia, sintiendo mucho dolor, boba con las medicinas, y él le dijo, él tuvo una conversación, ella me dijo él le explicó a ella cómo ella lo hirió a él, cómo ella no lo apreció en el hospital, y cuando ella estaba despertando, ella no estaba pendiente de él. Es asqueante, es asqueante, este comportamiento este comportamiento es deplorable tratar a alguien que está presente, porque tú sabes que como presa, que estás super presente para ellos, pero cuando los necesitas más, ellos te castigan, te menosprecian, pero en formas muy encubiertas porque para el resto, ellos se ven como los héroes. Eso es lo más importante para ellos, cómo se ven. Para darte otro rasgo para que veas esto, si miras atrás a tu niñez con un padre narcisista encubierto, o un matrimonio o una relación, piensa en las veces en que estabas después de una cirugía, herido o enfermo, estabas débil, nota en cómo te trataton y piensa en cómo te trataron,- y recuerda cómo se ve el amor. El amor se ve: “oh Dios mío, ¿cómo te puedo ayudar, cómo te sientes? Mostrar empatía, alguien que se pone en tus zapatos, pone las cosas aparte en su vida contigo porque tu eres su amor atesorado, porque quieren ayudarte, y te garantizo que eso no pasó con el narcisista encubierto en tu vida, te hicieron sentirte culpable de alguna manera , que no eras esto o aquello, o demasiado de esto o no suficiente de aquello, porque esos son los mensajes constantes de los narcisistas encubiertos y eso no es correcto, y tú mereces mucho mejor, y me alegro de que estés viendo estos videos, y que estés buscando esta educación, y esta información para juntar todas las piezas para ver claro, y nunca jamás dejar que esto pase de nuevo. Así que cúidate mucho, espero que esto te haya ayudado, y hablamos pronto.

100 thoughts on “A Covert Narcissist’s Shocking and Disturbing Behavior (Spanish Subtitles)

  1. I went through the same thing as the lady in the accident. After botched surgery I almost died. His coldness through all recovery was horrific. He watched me being bullied in hospital, in front of him and smirked and did nothing. He even admitted years later he knew he should of done something but didn’t WANT to! With my new healthy guy even he’s genuinely caring it’s a bit shocking and weird as I realise how that is real love. My ex discarded me after years of caretaking me after 5 surgeries. He hated it. If he did anything for me he’d throw it in my face days later. He’d leave me alone all day in bed unable to get out and watch movies alone downstairs. So much more. I didn’t heal until after he left. I was broken on every single level. So happy we are divorcing him.

  2. Read the comments below: We all have falling ill in common? All who speak on NARCs tell us about their abilty to make people sick or be the cause of our demise. We need to protect our minds and person; Immediately! SMH

  3. My dad had to have surgery on his foot and was on off work till he recovered. Doctors orders he was supposed to stay off his foot. Well little did I know my narcissistic mother had him outside digging trenches! Yea, she'd go and get his medicine and all but on his 60th birthday she didn't even make him his favorite cake! Now she has him permanently disabled. I don't know what to do about it. My dad just ignores me or gets mad at me for telling him what I see she's doing to him. I was the scapegoat so I guess I should expect that. But what do you think I should do?

  4. I was very sick with pneumonia and my narc disappeared. He was either sleeping on the couch or out. I could not even make it down the hallway to the bathroom – I had to crawl on my hands and knees – yet I had to get my own cold compresses for my raging fever, I had to get my own food, I had to get my own water to drink, I had to look after myself. I lost a massive amount of weight (at 5’9” tall, I was 115 lbs) and it took me over a year to get even close to my pre-pneumonic weight. I think it was then that I really knew I was in an abusive relationship. My eyes were opened and I began to see how badly it had affected me physically, not to mention the emotional and mental injury I had endured for 7 years. I could not escape though, as I was unable financially to get away. He had isolated me and sabotaged any support that may have helped me. I endured another two years before I finally got out (it was a very devious discard that left me without a job, a career (one that I had been building for 15 years), a place to live, my fur kids (but one dog I did take with me, and managed to get my two cats. I will forever feel guilt and sadness that I had to leave two dogs with him – I don’t trust him to love them as they SHOULD be loved), and my identity.

    It’s been almost two years since I left, and almost one full year no contact. I am healing, but very slowly. He was not the first abuser, and I now realize that I was a tasty target for these types of people (I’m an INFJ). I also realize that I no longer trust adult human beings, and I suspect I may be suffering from C-PTSD (I have not been diagnosed, but my GP is working with me). I don’t like leaving the house, and have frequent anxiety attacks. But….

    I have gained weight (now, I even have to watch what I eat so I don’t gain too much! Yay! Normality!!), I have a new home (rent is steep for a single person, but I’m free!!), I have a new career (I’m an artist/illustrator now), and my wonderful fur kids give me lots of love and affection. My close friends and little family have given me support (and I was SUCH a mess for the first 9 months after I escaped). I have survived, and I WILL be stronger than before. I just need time. It will come.

    For those of you still in a toxic relationship with a narc (especially the covert ones – they are the craftiest, and the most “evil” IMO), get out ASAP. But do it quietly and quickly. Go no contact immediately, and never look back. They will never change, and never really care about you at all. It’s ALL a lie.

  5. My mother was a overt narcissist . She used us to get her emotional highs on putting the screws to us for failing her expectations. These usually were not explained or known of till we had tripped her wire.
    This was our normal, I did not see or learn empathy from her, so demonstrating it to others can be difficult and even for me it can feel some what fake but necessary. I really dont feel alot of emotional pain I react to so I am steady in difficult times, unstressed.
    I do find some people have unknown expectations of what my responses should be and can react negatively when there expectations are not met. I desire to be real and genuine but some people require more stroking from me to prove I care about them. I dont get as worked up, I keep my head through the fire and can function during stressful situations, but the price for this is not feeling everything others are feeling. The way I show I care is loyalty, honesty, delivering on my word to you.
    I find that people who let their expectations rule their emotions can justify not keeping their word, and being dishonest.
    I hear alot of people leading with their emotions in these comments and labeling people who may be difficult to understand. We label so we feel in control and can justify behavior that might be wrong otherwise. I believe narcissism is a real condition and not just a label , just because someone makes you feel bad or does not live up to your expectations may not make them a narcissist.

  6. Yep and is why… I broke up with my mother And after turning the tables on the ex-boyfriend (I didn’t know the label for this mental bacteria) I tossed them out like yesterday‘s trash with the no contact everything that goes with what we’re supposed to do!
    And now he is in a facility because he had a nervous break down because all his options ran out and he had a flying monkey tell me about it and all I said was not my problem!😎

  7. Me: The brain scan shows I may have a brain tumour
    Covert narc: I guess I'll have to be the one that remembers the good times for the both of us when you lose your memory

    He managed to appropriate my pain, pat himself on the back for being the ever-burdened hero, and set me up for gaslighting at the same time. That was the moment I walked out.

  8. I am married to a covert Narc. They will ONLY take care of you if you are bedridden and then resent it. When it comes to money they are super focused yet for any household chores they will give you the bare minimum effort. Living with one is a lonely road and it never gets better. You end up just shutting down emotionally to survive.

  9. Once my Narc made it clear that they were willing to get up and cook for everyone else, and planned it so that I didn't have to be fed after taking care of them after their surgery all day, I IMMEDIATELY stopped taking care of them. Don't know what that person was thinking. If you can't even be bothered to have an adult discussion with me on how I'm getting fed, and you keep piling tasks on me to do while you recover, and at the same time showing off that you can cook for everyone else, then you have the capacity to find someone else to take care of you. Don't ever take my kindness for weakness.

  10. My narcissist husband and his mom both are crazy!!.. I have been married to him for 25years. I was sick recently with the flu. He never even came into the bedroom to ask if I needed anything. I got up and made myself some soup…they could care less about u . I am married and I have never felt so alone. I'd rather be by myself..god bless u all..remember that jesus loves u all. God bless

  11. I'm not sure if it's so easy to judge a person who is actually looking after someone.
    Surely a human has limited strength and energy. I'm really not that sure that it comes down to how narcissitic the one taking care, is.

  12. I broke my foot while on an outing with him. He said he did not go on vacation to take care of a crip.
    That's the short story of the meanness I allowed in my life.

  13. Do covert narcs play many head games with you as well? Just to try to get you very mad….my husband is either a Malignant narc or covert one. I have had that looking back time ans can see what a true psychopath he is.

  14. That's how my husband was when I was in a car accident. He didn't care I was hurt. It's took him 3 hours to get to the hospital. We lived 20 minutes away. He resented me for "all the paper work" he was going to have to do.

  15. My COVERT NARC FATHER would always give me a insult with a calm and soft tone and then when I act out because of the comment….I was rude and not understanding what he was trying to say…..he always had a look on his face like he was tried of dealing with me….they don't really want you around unless there USEING you for something that will benefit them…they only TOLERATE US….I was born a very sick child unfortunately but when I hit my early 20s still being sick and he keep telling me to get LIFE INSURANCE that was the last straw me going no contact was hurtful and lonely but him and the narc family are PURE EVIL AND GOD WILL MAKE THEM PAY FOR ALL THE SCAPEGOATING THAT THEY DID TO ME OVER THE YEARS….IAM now 30 and feel like I am 60 but my eyes opened up and I learn something new everyday with all the things they have done to me…IT SEEMS LIKE AFTER THEY HAVE DONE SO MANY NEGATIVE THINGS TO YOU AND YOU STILL WOULDN'T FOLD IT MAKES THEM EVEN MORE EVIL AND UPSET BECAUSE YOU STILL EXIST….GOD PROTECT US FROM THESE PEOPLE THERE ARE NO FAMILY OF MINE…NO CONTACT FOR LIFE.

  16. This is very true and I’m a mental health specialist! when I tore my meniscus and was out of work , my relationship of three years stumbled. My ex girlfriend said things like “you shouldn’t have worked there to begin with , I told you not to” , she even said she didn’t care that my knee was hurting and “it’s not my knee” or that “I was being too sensitive”. To all my other victims out there , just know you are worthy of real love! you don’t need validation from your partner. In the end whatever is in the dark gets exposed to the light, and you are that light, so keep shinning.

  17. ….or if you're a typical guy married to a typical woman she will want to know when you will be returning to work.

  18. The examples you gave could also be a condition known as alexithymia and not narcissism. My ex husband has alexithymia and I didn’t realize it until after the split. But after much research and of what I knew of his childhood etc, it was clear he had and has alexithymia. It’s a development brain retardation in which the emotional part of the brain has not developed properly due to lack of parental empathy and they had no one to learn empathy and coping skills from and in later years it comes out as avoidant and passive aggressive behaviours and unable to discuss feelings and much less support someone else.

  19. my narc bashed my eye out and then discarded me while I was in surgery getting the eye removed

  20. Great video. Thanks for explaining that lack of caring they exhibit when your going through hard times. I actually recognize these traits in a lot of people.

  21. I don't find that shocking at all. What could have happened and what happened in reality are 2 different things.
    People can separate the 2. Someone that is burned out from chaos and drama will also not react that way . Numb.
    Grew up and have been around these people my whole life. Maybe I have adopted the no attachment, shielded personality trait, but I have a conscience, morals, integrity, happy doing nothing. Being kind gives me pleasure. People's pain makes me sad.
    Kinda odd. You let 1 person in and they tried to destroy you. How can you let anyone else in.

  22. It is very sad when you realize that people who pretended to take care of you in reality do not care completely and I can not explain this behawior in the rational way (I know them years). I didn't expect any financial or other support but they run away. Now things going well but I do not know what to think. Anyway, now I respect very much people who were neutral or even 'boring' to me.

  23. It seemed so much like it annoyed her. I was bed ridden for about 1 week, but she could not stay in the house she would go out get food for me, but then go in the other room and watch TV. Hardly spent any time with me. Just seemed like the whole thing was soooooo difficult for her.

  24. When I had a still birth he refused to call IT a baby. When my sister died of a brain tumour he yelled at me the very next day for not being their for him

  25. This ALL So true, correct and actual. Yòu have helped me look back -and not in anger or bewilderment, but with understanding and knowledge. Thank you so much for this.

  26. My parents were cluster b and abusive so I left home young, very young. I was on my own, working and supporting myself as a teen. After a few years on my own, I was badly injured in a riding accident and broke my leg. It was at night in a storm, and I was lucky my horse got me home, I was unconscious. My roommate found me out in the snow. A few weeks later I called my mom to let her know what happened and that I was moving and she said to me…."why are you calling me? What do you want money or something cause I'm not giving you anything or helping you." I've never asked her for help or money, ever in my life. I just thought I should tell her what happened, it was really serious and I was still a teenager. I was in shock at her response and in that moment I knew my mother had no love or concern for me whatsoever. I will never forget it. And I had no health insurance as a child, they did not provide that for me. She knew I had no way to pay for hospital and doctor bills. I spent the next ten years of my life paying off those bills. I was a waitress when that happened to me, it turned my world upside down. Thank God I had friends that helped me through it. Thirty years later now and my mother pretends that never happened. I shattered my kneecap into a thousand pieces…it happened!

  27. My fiancee of 3 years is what I believe covert narcissist. A year ago I was hospitalized with an acute deadly illness and even though he came to be with me it just seemed like he went through the motions of what he was supposed to do. Initally in the ER I was vomiting,having respiratory problems etc…etc..very sick and he left me there alone after a few hours because he was so hungry and had to go eat real quick. Nevermind that should have been the furthest thing from his mind since I was so ill and was having issues with my airway as well. He came back after he ate and did stay overnight with me however, after I was stabilized the next morning he left the hospital to help a friend work on a car even though I couldn't believe he would think that couldn't wait. When I was discharged he had left earlier to run an errand and when he returned he wanted me to just walk and meet him in the parking garage for pick up. He was perplexed as to why I would need him to come up to the room & help me back to the car. He never seemed emotional that he could have lost me. He wasn't mean or arrogant about anything but it's just like there was this void of a proper emotional response from him to me as his partner. Even after we got home he left for a few hours to go do some side jobs he had scheduled. Left like it was just another day. I was not a top concern at all. It was very odd.

  28. When I was married to my narc whenever I would be sick I'd stay in my bedroom in bed to rest n try to get better n stronger. I would go to the top of the stairs n yell to my husband if he would bring me a glass of water. He would wait for about 10 seconds then yell back with funky attitude in his voice, "yeah I'll bring it to you here in a minute." I'd say ok n journey back to bed. Half an hour sometimes longer would pass before he would bri g me the water n he would always have a look of resentment or anger on his face! Never asking me if I needed anything or asked how I was feeling! Another time me n our family dog were sick at the same time and my husband took full care of our dog and completely ignored helping me his wife! Im so happy now that Im divorced fom him. A 1000% covert narcissist. Those are just 2 examples of all the bullshit I went thru with him but now I have so much peace of mind and I feel free!!! Praises to God for getting me out of 27 years of toxicity🙏💎

  29. My narc tries to better himself for me… It's so fake that it gives me a weird feeling. I dont think he can really change but he knows i will leave if he changes back to his true colors. It's like dating the devil…

  30. I remember I had the flu symptoms illness and was not able to stand up straight, felt like drunk for a week with high fever, was so weak I had to be in bed all the time and my "lovely husband" left me in this without taking the kids to the kindergarten(I didn't clothes them,didn't prepare lunchboxes) then a 4 and 2 year old…so they were involuntary neglected by me ,I could not stand up straight and had to take care of toddlers!? Like when you're a mom of little ones with a Narc,you can't get sick

  31. Made me get an abortion, got mad I couldn't be intimate for a week after on doctors orders and slammed the door, played video games during my contractions but did get me some snacks and checked on me once. When I tried to back out before, said I was selfish and only cared about myself and did care whose life I ruined was using him as a sperm doner. Told me if I backed out he wanted me to pay him back from the first visit. Called me a baby killer later during a fight

  32. Anybody care to start a malignant narc list? These guys are highly dangerous predators. The type of emotional and sexual behavior they exhibit are criminal and society should hold these men And women accountable for their behavior.
    I’ll start
    Andrew Yanofsky of Montreal Canada

  33. My Ex Wife said to me, after I was diagnosed Bladder Cancer and went through chemo, " I Hope You Die and This Kills You. "

  34. 102 people didn’t like this? 🙄 I felt literal shame for my toe almost getting ripped off and I needed stitches when I was 8

  35. They are such sneaky,conniving, underhand horrors these converts, I'm sick to my stomach with them. I'm ok with telling them too their fossil faces,to please [email protected]#k off.. Once I know what I am dealing with.I will mess them up with a narc injury if they fancy a go.

  36. This reminded me an ex-colleague, we were care workers who visited elderly and the dying in their homes to give help to them or their families.
    I was paired with him, an older man. He was certainly clever, good in his job and the clients loved him. However he was bad-mouthing all of them, even his biggest 'fans'. It started to look like he is hating those, to whom we supposed to help. He was always nice and ready to help in their face. Of course he trash-talked about our colleagues and about me also, behind my back, never into the face. The cherry on the top was when he said how he hated his late wife, in time when she was dying of cancer. He admitted making nasty comments to the dying woman. And many people considered this chap as the best carer of the agency!!! They certainly didn't know him much.

  37. My husband ( now my ex) never came to visit me when I was in the hospital with a severe infection. He said that sick people make him uncomfortable.
    Another time, I had surgery on both feet. The doctor said I had to stay on bed as much as possible and try to stay off my feet. Husband didn’t like the situation so he drove out of town to stay with his relatives for a while. He knew I had no one in town to help me with food prep and etc. He didn’t care….just a big narcissist coward!

  38. Mine drove me to the brink of suicide. Then, her argument against me taking my life was that they’d have no life insurance if I committed suicide.

  39. After finding out my spouse was cheating with the neighbor.. . I left my wedding ring on the counter & left for a few days.. Later, The neighbor actually came over to tell me how My spouse was devastated by the gesture..?!?! Wtf??😲😣😤😦😡

  40. Yes, this is so true. I have watched my narc mother abuse my elderly father for 2 years after his multiple strokes, and blame him consistently for not being able to "walk properly". She had been abusing us all, but it took this event for me to finally realize what a "souless creatures" narcs truly are. Very sad😢

  41. The covert narcissist often jumps through hoops to help you out when you’re in deep trouble. But it’s usually a sham or more correctly a scam! You’re so amazed at the “kindness” that you lower your guard. Now you’re just easy prey for the predator. I personally have to try extra hard not to let this happen to me in India.

  42. I have a mountain of examples of this. Four days after my mother's funeral, I was on my way home from helping my sibs clean out her house. I called my spouse with an ETA and to say I missed him and couldn't wait to get back to normal. He said that he couldn't take being with me anymore and that it was over. (That was 12 yrs ago).

    I had a miscarriage and he was going to leave me. Again.

    I had a fever, was sick in bed and hadn't eaten for 3 days. I asked him to get me some chicken soup at the grocery store (because i was too weak to make my own). He came back and told me there was chicken broth in the pantry and that should be good enough. How hard is it to buy a can of soup?

    I pray that i don't get a devastating illness. He wont care.

  43. Thanks Debbie….as I listened to you, I began to get in touch with treatment I received from my "Godmother" that was, no doubt, not too God-like.

  44. I was going through nine months of chemo after being diagnosed with breast cancer. I had a full mastectomy and had to try and care for my two young children. How my husband my took care of me through that time was to take on a football coaching job was never there and told me I was behaving like my mother who was diagnosed with bipolar which I now know wasn’t because my father was a narcissist and continually told me when I was better he was going to leave me. 😔 crazy thing was he never did leave and I’m still being abused today but not for long I’m getting my ducks in a row and going to live a life not feeling unworthy and being gaslit all the time.

  45. Wow this makes so much sense whilst I was in hospitable after our child was born I had an horrific birth and had to stay in, he has
    Zero emotion and kept saying that I was to blame for the nurses being a type of way with me and couldn’t help me much when I couldn’t move to go wash etc he said it was because he was and man and didn’t understand,the bad part was as
    I felt so alone in this I then went into a deep post traumatic post partum depression ……. again he didn’t show any emotion to me in this time I needed him most

  46. That was my unmasking. Recently I got very sick with pneumonia and everyone was so concerned. He didn’t even come check on me or call. Said he couldn’t get sick. Made jokes about it but I was really hurt that he didn’t come see about me. His response was “ I sent you money” I would have rather had him come see about me than the money. I finally came to terms that he is narcissistic. My ex was overtly narcissistic so I didn’t recognize that he is covertly narcissistic. He never yells but says hurtful things in the most passive non aggressive way. He is not mean or physically violent. He never yells and is emotionless. He tries to be controlling and shows no empathy for my emotions. Nothing is ever his fault and he insists that he is not a bad guy. I can yell, scream, cry, curse and it’s like dealing with a robot. He calls me crazy. He won’t go away and when I say I’m not going to deal with this, in a very causal way says so I’m just going to go out and be a whore? My ex was the complete opposite. He was a whole drama queen so I thought narcissism only existed on that extreme.

  47. Debbie, my ex and my son and I visited America from UK and a few days there, I was driving out of Washington dc and trying to find my way, started having what I 5hought was a heart attack. I found a place to pull off the highway, stumbled out of the car and got on the floor 20 feet from the car. My boy 17 came out, worried sick. My ex was on her phone texting who knows, didn't even look up. And all I could think of as I was seeing this was oh my goodness I might die and why is it you're not here too. I asked her later why she didn't come to help and she said "hmmpff, your boy was looking after you, you didn't need me". And that evening she wanted to go for a drink. I wasn't able to speak with her, I was so upset and hurt and angry. End of the night, I walked to get a taco, said I wanted time alone, and left her to walk down to the hotel a couple minutes literally away. All the flying monkeys heard about the day was that I left her stranded in a foreign place at night .. funny enough, just like an incident she told me if her ex husband.. And how dreadful I was to do that. They're rotten disordered people, so hurtful and never ever there willingly when you need them most, if they're there at all. I've lots of these type of experiences

  48. He said all the right words, but failed in his actions. After coming home from the hospital, there was no understanding, and one of the most hurtful arguments ever.

  49. When I had surgery's he would help but I could see it wasn't genuine care. The only reason he did it was because his flying monkey friends were paying attention to him. When that stopped, he went back to his old ways. I wasn't anywhere near healed yet and when I asked him to get something for me, his response was, " put your big girl pants on and get it yourself!" I am no longer with that p.o.s!

  50. Absolute truth! Several yrs ago I had a partial hysterectomy. The surgeon told my Narc..DO NOT LEAVE HER ALONE FOR 24 HRS. And I had the surg on a Fri. The next day he suddenly had to work at the factory. At 10 am my door bell rang and it's my friend. I asked what she was doing and she replied that her husband had been actually working at his car dlrshp that morning and my Narc had been in there getting RACING SPONSORSHIP MONEY!and she didnt want to leave me alone. So… moral of story.. he wasnt working! And he never spoke to my friend or her husband again… for telling me

  51. I almost lost my life trying to have a kid for my narcissist I didn't know what a narcissist was until recently looking at these videos I really thought I was going crazy at least that's what he was telling me and when I was in the hospital trying to recover from the whole baby ordeal I asked what was wrong with the hospital bed it was having some problems going up and down the adjustment on it he mumbled under his breath fat a** as to say that the bed was having an issue because of my weight he was cold I didn't mention at the time that I heard what he said I was in so much pain and in too much shock I waited until I was feeling a little bit better and I mentioned it he was cold first he said he didn't say it then he said I didn't mean it like that I don't know what other way you could mean that but this man has been putting me through hell I've been trying to leave I am going to work it out some how someway I am tired of him threatening to kill me and then saying that he doesn't mean it I just don't trust him something about him tells me he means what he says it's just a look in his eyes but he always tells me that he's only saying that because he was mad at the time and he apologizes then acts as if nothing's happened me being sick frustrates him to the point of him wanting something to happen to me so this is true I've seen it several times throughout our years of being together

  52. Or there was a big earthquake nearby and they don’t give a shit, BUT their entire online persona PRETENDS to care about people all over the world experiencing natural disasters. And they tell you that you are a horrible person for wanting to help people in the Midwest during tornado season – but they again claim to feel for people in natural disasters. Total lies.

  53. When I was giving birth to my daughter, something wrong happened with the epidural, i was in severe pain, my mother and brother were terrified and in tears talking to doctors and nurses to help me, while my husband just stood there doing nothing and he was looking at me with emotionless face.

  54. Oh my goodness this really hit home! I have so many examples of this. Acting like he is the best nurse on earth. He would get me anything I wanted…if I asked for it and if he was not too “busy”. I had C Diff once. It is a horrid thing to go through. He would not take time out of his busy schedule to take care of me. I had 2 toddlers in the house! I could go on and on. Thank you for this. I am just discovering what my husband is after being together for 24 years. A VERY Covert Narcissist. Your video validated me. Thank you

  55. i was helping one move and dislocated my shoulder. i remeber just a blank stare as im there in aggony and no are you alight? after

  56. So true..when your at your lowest..that's when they're the worst..Looking back I recall when
    coming out of anaesthesia I saw him and thought oh he's here..all good..and felt safe. But when I told him this later he said I had got angry at him for being there without permission. I was gobsmacked as in the state I felt nothing but secure because he was there and he was allowed there..now I realise why and I'm glad I laughed it off then and didn't play into his game..
    I can look back on so many things now with clarity..but on where to go from here is confusing

  57. I am in the process of reading your book right now. I want to thank you for putting into words what I have known for years. My problem is that I have no way out. So can you please teach us how to deal with a narcissist that has to remain in your life. Thanks again.

  58. My car was T-boned in major wreck this June 2019 and I called her and she never would pick up. after the 3rd call she picked up I was like this is why you should pick up, she said " oh the the accident is my fault. " less than two weeks early she said " i love you , no matter what i love you" we had dinner that night and she acted like I didn't exist. total fuckery

  59. I was devastated when my ex left me for another when I was at my sickest (I became disabled with a debilitating illness). Ex thought I should be happy that they found love. I thought I was cherished as much as I cherished and treasured my mate. It was so disorienting. And yeah, there was distancing going on on my ex's part during my illness (likely anger, avoiding me to make me pay). Like that guy with the partner in the hospital, one day my partner came home to find out I'd put a tub assist from Amazon on the tub because I'd gotten stuck in the tub for over an hour trying to get out. Seeing me there with the tub assist led to my ex having a screaming fit about how the tub assist made my ex feel "so old." I was fighting for my life and it was all about my ex? Little cracks like that were going on. And silly me, I simply thought it was a matter of my ex having difficulty coping. If there was devastation on my partner's part, it was the loss of the life we had, the loss of status.

  60. When I told him about my aunt having stage 4 liver and bone cancer, I was very much broken after hearing the news, he didn't comment. Next day he casually asks how I am at the start of the phone call. I asked him later on why he didn't ask about my aunt. He said it's not his obligation to ask about her, he did ask me how I'm doing at the start of the call.

  61. What you said around 540 in the hospital takes the freakin cake known a few men n woman like that…it's super hideous and evil…truly have no time for it..knew someone that after I'd mentioned my father passing they said…you know I ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning you nearly lost me!!No mention of Sorry your fathers passed on… Nothing…needless to say this person is no longer in my life….Everyone needs to expose this…what a beautiful thing YouTube is…it's exposing many things now….not just NPD …but other areas of society too!They Can't run they can't hide…the lies are being exposed!I pray this kind of info stops the enabling!Thank you!Brilliant!

  62. Its sad bcuz they think having sex is being there for u & if no sex they show the evil side no empathy no emotions no love no matter hiw much u show them they r very cold. Im glad im free.

  63. Job loss is a really great example. Nothing. No comment, no compassion, no empathy. When asked…gently…you get, "well, I know youre going to get another one." No big deal.

  64. Its all about them not getting attention all of sudden for a change. And its your fault because you are ill and they really hate it and raging inside as if you made yourself ill. You have to be careful they don’t harm you further because they just can’t tolerate the attention not being on them all of a sudden. Even though you gave them your 100% attention all the time its not reciprocated back even on your death bed they couldn’t care less. You need to be in a support group women more so to get through an abusive partner. These predators only prosper when they have isolated you by months and years of gaslighting projecting etc etc. and you no longer end up trusting your gut instincts but rather blame yourself for any abuse. This is the state they want you to be in all vulnerable and a wreck unable to distinguish right from wrong for them to treat you however they wish without repercussions.
    In the animal kingdom predators i.e lions etc isolate kill their preyers to eat to survive. But A toxic predator narc dies it for personal pleasure. They wont deal with their own problems which takes them down this unhealthy path with a very nice very innocent mask to disguise the havoc they covertly create. They constantly on lookout for a supply to latch onto. This is the only reason they live for nothing else. A lot of people see through them tbh in my opinion and a few good hearted people give them the benefit of doubt. Some find out early and some years later what they really are empty souls and will never change no matter how hard anyone tries as then they will manipulate to confuse the other person with word salad. The narc has strongly resolved within themselves that this who they wanna be full stop. Im no expert but have life experience maybe could write a book about this topic

  65. Yes my big nosed greek bitch of a gf didnt seem to be be concerned when i faced eviction from my flat through spending so much on her, the unemployed slag. Did she care? Did she hell. Mind you, im totally accountable for my actions I guess.

  66. This what my father did to me. He did something for me while strongly giving me this message : "how dare you exist." Why are you needy . Why are you taking my time ."

  67. My husband raped me after coming out of hospital after having a partial hysterectomy. I couldn’t do anything as I still had clips in my abdomen. He’s dead now.

  68. Sick people get special attention. Your covert narcissist has such an expanding inflated ego that only they are entitled to special treatment. They have grandiose fantasies about being the misunderstood special person, your sickness or injury is a threat to that, its unrealistic, its undeveloped and here we have a person who thinks theyre capable of authority and they have no capacity to think critically or conceptually only to think it terms of keeping threats to delusions of their beliefs of being special unique but mostly superior and especially superior to you, he will be vindictive and deny you that right that is justified (special medical attention) in the real healthy world. How dare you get all the attention and martrying himself around lack of acknowledgement is a ploy to refocus on him make you feel bad not special you dont appreciate him and anytime he senses threats to feeling special it wounds him so doing it back to you, deliberately and intentionally behaving in these ways returns the power to him (OUR HOLY GREATNESS, nah its his own fallacy of thinking below*** that keeps the threat of a narcissistic injury at bay. poor diddums is the "THE MISUNDERSTOOD SPECIAL PERSON" you are not smart enough to see how special he is,
    and minimises the threat to your special care and attention. Some will even fake an illness or pain at the time or some will abandon you not even go brcause abandonment wounds them so they think they can hurt u the same. Theyre so dumb because say you dont have abandonment issues they will still do what hurts them to you so if you really want to wound them they're so easy to counter manipulate. i dont recommend that until you understand Jordan Petersons notion of becoming the psychopath, for empaths and its an antidote to cPTSD. If u understand the above – its not so shocking, theyre not unpredictable. They have basic egocentric deveopment of 8 year olds who are scared and fearful and extremely intentionally nasty. Theyre not innocent or innocent. They didnt mean to use your late sisters candle shrine as an ash tray, they forgot they didnt know… they absolutely 100% are intentiona;ly mean and vindictive, This is subclinical vulnerable narcissism – and for naive people who cant get intention – they can destroy these people at their core. They lack compassion regret and remorse, they have cognitive empathy to learn how to hurt you more they know the pain they are causing because they have empathy for themselves so they hurt you based on that so its intentional. they will miss the mark through their self absorbed revenge, so it might not impact your self worth them showing up as the victim while you are in a hospital bed – because you being there is a treat tp theirs – that is how vulnerable their ego needs lead them to be and its sad – but dont feel sorry for them. get them out of your life. all the nasty things were deliberate. He is high level conflict and hostile – the emotional hallmark of all narcissistic types is envy. Do not let him him off the hook. Ask him if thinks its necessary that he feels hurt by you not meeting his needs when youve been through trauma and are in hospital, ask him what exact behaviours he did that met your needs he feels he didnt get attention r acknowledgement for, its a ploy to refocus attention back on him and they know playing the victim is the ultimate form of power, so that ploy to refocus through victimhood works for him cause you still feel a sense of "shocking" but thats useless response, Know and understand this if you're going to put information out there dont get caught up in the drama, we need to build the resistance like anyone being oppressed. Its really child-like basic behaviour but wghats shocking is from a 45 year old man, but put the man aside theres no observable man there just fearful little nasty bugger who think only for him and is lost with the lost boys forever, find humility to know they will not change you cant help them, you have to protect yourself and laugh at these ploys, theyre pretty funny when you look at them behaving and theyre just exosing themselves, to hurt you they cant see past themselves to what hurts them and that is intentional and they only want you to serve their needs while denying you every little thing you ask of such as if youre taking the car and youre longer than u thought, then let me know. They will never do it unless the threat of you abandoning them, or you rejecting them scares them enough you will get what you asked for you will get an insincere sorry – hes only sorry to keep you were its comfortable for him just outside of intimacy but near enough to see you over there, to control his need for you to serve him because remember he is vulnerable to the lie (the superiority mask) so you serving him and responsive to his demands keeps the fantasy alive for him, it inflates the already inflate ego and he will treat you worse with more distant the more you create a life catering to his specialness and omnipotence – he wont change or get it and wake up not being a nasty nasty pasty anymore if you explain my understanding here to him, his ego defenses are so fixed and ready cause of the sensitivity the threat is always real (paranoia) and impulsively at the expense of rationality and critical thinking and curiosity, he is ever so ready to blame you and play victim. You're merely their scape goat or a punching bag for their unwanted intrusive thought so they're projected onto you. What youre accused of doing is what they are doing. U will be blamed for everything. projection is a defense mechanism, its considered in psycholgical theory to be immature, its the go to defense and so it is easily predictable behaviour so reacting to it fuels hit. PROJECTING thoughts or actions that he did or has done etcbut refuses to own because of his grandiose fantasy of specialness like he is so much smarter than everyone, he is a 7 on spiritual vibration and thinks hes going to reach enlightenment this life time and he doesnt need to come back cause he knows everything, it really is hiarious. like talking to a little kid with big wide eyes. but then you get smart because theyre a man a big man who on a power ratio is in a powerful position over you. the kid is to you, like what you are to them. how they have subjective bias of who you are, that is whatever fantasy of serving their needs they want to self-delude and dupe on.

  69. When I had my surgery repair, my narc said something derogatory about me, and the nurse wanted to punch his teeth down his throat. She caught it before I did.

  70. To bully the victim as a pushover is unkind.
    Think.if you are broken and injured.
    Do you have the impulse to defy?
    Well…
    Their captives are broken and injured inside.

  71. I would love to know what real love is like. My story is way too long. I will say yes to it all. I'm onto him now. And hes not happy glamping with me. Lol. It will be interesting to see where this ends up. My guess is , he will find himself an Asian girl, this type usually do.

  72. Yes!! I experienced both the severe car accident and the surgery examples in real life, in my past marriage!! It finally made me wake up – especially when he just did not care, unless others were around. The devaluing process is so covert, so private and sinister, and such a soul-sucking process. Thank you for validating my feelings and the feelings of others, Debbie!!

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