If we don’t leave now, we’re not gonna be the first ones at the bar. Why are you still working? I’m almost done — how are you already done for the day? I didn’t finish my work, duh? Every Zodiac Sign Ever. Yo Andrew, why did you invite Kenneth? Oh! He’s my friend. Yeah, he’s an actual serial killer. Aw, I’m not gonna abandon him just ’cause he’s going through a tough time. You know you’re on his literal kill list… Just nice to know he’s thinking about me. Hey, hey you want anything to drink buddy? I resonate more with my rising sign than my moon sign. God, I love this movie so much! Yeah, me too. Tilda Swinton is like an incredible actor. What’s that supposed to mean? It — it means that Tilda Swinton is really good at being talented. Okay? I see how it is, yeah! Yeah, why don’t you guys just get married then ’cause clearly you two have been f*cking already! God! What?! I’m a Gemini so I have basically a split personality disorder. And I was like “Ah! You’re made of bugs!” My god! You’re so funny! Oh, thanks! I’m also a great dancer. You are! There’s more where that came from. We should go dancing sometime! Oh my god, yes! I would love that!
Actually, I know a place — Oh my god! Mickey, dude! I gotta tell you the story about the bugs, dude! My friend won’t stop texting me, she’s such a Leo. So, what do you wanna do for your birthday this year? I was thinking I could — I wanna go rollerskating! Okay, that sounds fun — On Monday. And on Tuesday, you’re taking me out drinking. Wednesday, carriage ride through the park. Thursday, you’re getting me a puppy! Friday, fancy dinner! And then for the weekend, you’re taking me to Vegas! That sounds expensive… But I’m worth it, right? Yeah. Right?! Yeah! I started dating this guy, but he’s so not compatible with me. He’s a Virgo. Okay, so you’re gonna do the mahogany red all on this wall. I’ll be in the next room. So if you need anything, just holler at me. Aye, you got it man! Woah, not now! Before you paint though, You’re obviously gonna want to tape this whole window off, just firmly and make sure there’s no wrinkles in the tape. You want to make sure you press the tape nicely into the windowsill right there, boom! Now, make sure you roll slowly so you don’t splatter the paint. Make sure you do really long strokes. This color spreads really nicely. It’s so great, and make sure you use the brush by hand to get clean edges. See? This is what I’m talking about — You see what I’m talking about? Right there. This is what I’m talking about. You’ll never regret applying a second coat. Oh, yeah, that’s good. All right! Man, nice work Joe. Can I pay you by check? Checks are double what cash should be? All right. Hey, why are Libras crying all the time? We now return to Man Seeking Wife. Hannah. Will — ugh… No… uhm… Kayla. Will you — no no no no… Okay, Hannah. Will — no… gosh… ugh, this is tough… Kayla — uh, no… Hannah, yeah — ugh, gosh ah! It’s tough… Join us next Tuesday for part seven of the finale! Man Seeking Wife. I hear this guy’s a Cancer. No no no, he’s fine, he was just born in July. Hey! – Hey Nessa!
– Hey Nessa! How are you? Did you end up going out last night? Why? Do I look tired or something? Uh, no no no. That is not what I meant. It’s too late, she already shut down. Damn! We just got her back too… See you in a week, Nessa? Two weeks? I’m sorry… I’m so sorry for your loss… You were born in December? We must have the same personality! And that just leaves Jake! Now Jake, my man. You are the best at graphics I have ever seen. So you’re gonna be in charge of making charts and graphs out of Amy’s data. How’s that sound, guys? – Awesome!
– Yeah! All right. Now with this division of labor, I think this group project is going to be quick. It’s going to be easy and it’s going to be, A+ Thanks Clark! Imbeciles and fools, every last one of them, why I could do this whole damn group project myself. If only I weren’t forced to work with them. Why with two of me I could take over this whole damn school. – Hey, you say something man?
– Nah, man, I can’t wait to see those graphs. You’re gonna kill it. Oh, yeah.
– You’re so nice, Clark! Imbeciles and fools, every last one of them — I’m a Capricorn. *imitates goat sounds* *imitates goat sounds* And then the little Mason went up to the board and he corrected all of the teachers’ math. Oh my god, what a smart boy! I know right? That didn’t happen. Excuse me? Oh, I’m sorry. Let me rephrase it. Either it didn’t happen or your parental overvaluing is causing you to think that your five-year-old child is smarter than the teacher, Or it did happen and our public school system is failing way worse than we thought. Either way, I wouldn’t brag about it. Good! I think we should all get back to work. I’m not a narcissist, I’m Aquarius. So, uh, Sarabeth, how are you feeling today? – Well, I —
– You can speak freely, this is a safe space. How are you doing? Are you doing okay? No one ever asked me how I’m feeling… – Uh, do you mind if I?
– Yeah!
– Great! Thank you. Well, it’s been tough ever since Angie left, but you know, I know I was never really happy in the relationship. No-no, the stars want me to act this way. Well, I guess it’s up to me to take out the trash again. – You don’t have to do that Cory. I’ll get it for you —
– Oh, no no no no, you guys keep socialing your medias. – I’m the trash boy. I’ll take out the trash.
– You really don’t have to take out the trash, I can — – Poor, Cory trash boy always taking out all the trash.
– Hardly any in there… Oh, and I don’t have my keys. So I’ll probably get locked out, but that’s okay. That’s just something that happens when you’re the trash boy. I’m gonna sleep by the dumpsters, so don’t worry. TRASH BOOOY! – I’m so excited!
– Yeah… yeah… I’m also a great dancer. Yeah, thanks, hey we should go dancing sometime! Oh my god, Rebecca! You son of a bitch! Why with four of me? – I could have three of me to marry the three hottest teachers, and one to make fun of the principal before I —
– Hey, you say something, man? – No, dude, I’m good. I get cracking on those graphs, man.
– You’re so nice, Clark! He will be the first to be killed. I’ve been coming here ever since my parents died in a fire. You really helped me a lot. – Thanks, it’s awesome! — Not your parents dying in fire —
– I think I’m in love with you… That’s a lot. – He’s just staring at us. I don’t think he’s — I don’t even think he’s gonna take out the trash —
– I got it. – He’s still there.
– I’m the trash boy. – Right, you’re the trash boy.

100 thoughts on “EVERY ZODIAC SIGN EVER

  1. Sagittarius is accurate af.
    I literally had someone in my group to fail the project because she didn't do shit. The others just brought the poster board and laminated the papers I put together. (4 man project)

  2. As a Pisces the passive-aggressiveness of doing chores and no one else helping and just doing a little bag of trash is so realistic. I literally can’t. And the Aquarius thing too with avoiding talking about their feelings. And Sagittarius was good too.

  3. I’m an Aquarius and I feel it. I have difficulty conveying my emotions and I tend to put others others feelings before mine

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