How To Be Liked│10 Tips By A Behavior Analyst

How To Be Liked│10 Tips By A Behavior Analyst

I want to talk about and get your
feedback on how to pair yourself as a positive reinforcer with the treatment
agent or the change agent which is going to be the parent or the teacher or the
caretaker because we all know that if the caretaker or the person that’s with
the child doesn’t like you you’re not gonna frickin change behavior right like
if they don’t want you in the house or in the classroom or in the school or
around that child you can’t even start changing behavior so it’s going to be
important that you’re likable. Brett is the intellectual grandson of B.F. Skinner. so I wanted to go over a couple I think
like liking hacks will initially like you need to let them talk you may be the
only person they get to say yep this is making me crazy and it could just be you
know the one thing that we make them crazy may not be that major behavior
that you’re seeing you know so they’re not being the ripping of the hair or the
thing it may be I’m writing that down right now because I’m not the turnout
part but it’s right it’s right in time so like I guess if we call these you
know pairing positive reinforcement pairing hacks that’s a that’s a really
important one and listening to people because they want to talk and I’m not
that good at it either I usually want to take some kind of action but sometimes
just listening and I don’t know why I didn’t get it to like a year ago that
people want to be heard and I always thought I had to take an action when
there was a complaint I gotta take an action to solve it but listening in
itself was the intervention and I didn’t learn that until I was 40 something if
you’re not liked then you’re not gonna change behavior well let’s define like
that might mean approachable I don’t know if we operationalize it them acting
on your suggestions if you were to really define like even being in your
proximity so one of those one hack would be
now this isn’t back back to with science alright so I don’t have a bunch of
treatment integrity research or stuff support this this is my own experience
some of it is validated but my own experiences remember people who can name
there’s nothing people want to know more than you say in their name if you if you
don’t call them by their name it’s not personal now don’t be like one of the
salespeople were you like you know so Brad you do this right Brad you want to
earn this right Brad like don’t sound salesy but you remember their name and
saying so that’s important that their name is like if you don’t say their name
how you gonna pair with them you can say their name it should be part of your
repertoire validate their efforts that they’ve tried before because it’s
there’s nothing more demeaning than just not really validating what they tried in
the effort they put forth and be ready to hear the shitload of people something
to try that irate did it you not your head if you’ve seen that you’ve heard
that yeah I’ve done it I’ve tried it I love Jason’s which is uh you know that
looked work I could recommend the same exact thing as you but the fact that
we’re a third party makes it float better with the family and these other
people so don’t feel bad like in his own language that’s a really good one
I mean I’ve actually explained that so another thing again I don’t have
research to back all this but I think that you should match when you’re
pairing with someone you should match their energy and their body language so
if um if Christians sitting there and I’m sitting next to him talking don’t my
probably gonna cross my arms and simulate his actions when I speak with
him because I’m worried if he picks his nose I picked my nose you know because I
don’t know what behavioral research is behind it but I do know that the more
similar you are to the model the better the more likely the imitator will
imitate the model so be you know match their energy and their body language
again I don’t know that there’s research behind it but it’d be cool to study that
another one that I have is too this is a real simple one this one is like really
really simple but you got a freaking smile a lot because you know there’s a
whole evolutionary history if you smile you’re approachable I mean
we spent thousands years on the Serengeti plains at
we did but I think we did I think Darwin said that and if someone is smiling
they’re much more likely for you to approach them and not get you know
victimized by them because I know great behavior analysts that can run circles
around me clinically they they can’t they don’t freaking smile and they’re
toxic you only want to be around them because their their negative energy just
the kids act up around them the other one is obviously just just like really
deliver on the things that you promised and like I would say under-promise
over-deliver so you don’t promise stuff unless you’re sure you’re going to
deliver that’s really important for the pairing process so you can break the
confidence right away and then you know have a sense of humor but having a sense
of humor can also be dangerous because if you’re offending someone because it’s
you think something’s funny so you got to be careful with it so having a sense
of humor smiling these are all important things the other thing is I think you
should know they’re functioning how are you gonna pair with someone that’s going
to be the treatment agent that’s going to do all the behavior change for the
learner and you’re coaching them to change they don’t want to be around you
but how can you not do a functional behavior assessment at least
descriptively an interview about what they care about so you need to know if
they care about attention maybe you’re giving them a shout-out on our YouTube
channel it’s like if once you figure out what they they like get a little Intel
get it do some reconnaissance like go on LinkedIn and figure out what where they
went to school you know figure out what now maybe get on their Facebook page I
mean don’t be creepy about it but you know find out what their functions are
maybe they don’t like attention I know RAF RAF doesn’t want attention and it
wouldn’t it can punish Raphael’s behavior if I just do a shout out in
front of everyone you could tell from body language and things like that so
maybe maybe Escape is their biggest function and you know Jason talks about
all of a sudden relief you show up and your hands on you gave him five minutes
of a break and that that was the best pairing you ever could have done so
think about the their functions and and I don’t know how we can just be around
also overlook that ours are not a whole training on functions of the
treatment agent slew those teachers in your classrooms you know some or the
we’ve gone over before the four types of teachers but like you know it kind of
brings into your environment if to create a plan it’s going to work in the
environment to give a teacher is operates off of negative reinforcement
you’re not gonna be able to give her a big workload to start have to shape it
up and you know as opposed to give her some very multi point I think that’s
true of parents going into parents and they’re like well we heard this but it
didn’t really work because our household is it that way and they have a learning
history of failed treatment yeah and so you have to be right like you know
definitely you know trying to make it a team yeah I supposed to I’m gonna come
in and Tony way to do the last one I had is is just it’s okay at times to show
some vulnerability and that you’re not perfect and that be honest about what
you don’t know and they you know that you can learn something from the person
in front of you because if anyone’s arrogant enough to think that they can’t
learn from the person in front of them then that person the other person is
going to check out so you know let people know what your areas of need are
and you know they might come back and criticize you later but it’s okay I

17 thoughts on “How To Be Liked│10 Tips By A Behavior Analyst

  1. I always pair with a parent first when going into a home. The parent has to be comfortable with you if they are going to let you be with their child. I always ask a parent what they feel is most important behavior or skill to work on, value their opinion. When strategies are implemented I always ask parents if it is something they feel they can do and offer support. Parents have other responsibilitites besides their child with a disability, we need to recognize that. When parents see you value what they do day to day. That goes a long way when pairing with parents.

  2. Hi Brett, Might you know where the trampoline place and name is located which is filmed in this video? Thank You. K

  3. "arrogance" from either a parent or educator goes both ways and the success of a child depends on collaboration and not egos.

  4. I truly believe listening is a major key factor. When you take the time to sit and let someone really feel that you're a genuine concerned listener, it opens the trust door wide open. This is applicable to teachers/administrators, parents, and even the client/student. This set the tone for the relationship.

  5. This video resonates with me so powerfully. My husband works as a Channel Development Manager at Direct Energy ( across the street from our northern office!). Without establishing a positive rapport with his clients and brokers, he wouldn’t be able to get the “bids” even if his prices might be slightly lower. He engages in the pairing process all the time at his job to obtain better business outcomes. As clinicians we engage in the pairing process to obtain better learning experiences. These 10 pairing hacks are so versatile and can apply to so many different situations. I can think of times in which I had a difficult time interacting with certain personalities, both as a consultant and a communicative partner. I have used some of these hacks but I would have been even more effective getting my point across if I utilized all ten points. I emphasize the pairing process with all my clients and explain the components of the pairing process to parents and teacher as they relate to individuals. This video will help me develop my plan even further …. Love this!!!!

  6. A great article to compliment the video :
    How To Get Your Client To Listen To You | Behavioral Science in the 21st Century:

  7. Using someone's name is an easy, effective way to pair yourself. Theres an article in The Washington Post that says "A person’s name is the greatest connection to their own identity and individuality. Some might say it is the most important word in the world to that person." This is part of that soft skill set that is so important to what we do and we should think about this when we are in schools and in peoples homes.

  8. My fiancé Michael Crudup pointed me to this video as I sated “I wish I knew more ways to get my troops to like me”. I’m in the United States Air Force and I train on honor guard. As trainees come through I try my best to get them to like me and develop a positive relationship vs the “hard noise drill Sargent role” who could care less what they feel. The ten points Brett has mentioned are great. I know I personally use a good amount of them and the rest I will be adding to my skill set. Mike is always telling me how ABA can be applied to everything even in the military and the more he shows and shares videos with me, the more I’m starting to understand and believe. Great video!

  9. Mr Brett DiNOvi mentioned 10 tips on how to be liked. Before even watching this video on how to be liked, one of my colleagues once asked me why does everyone likes me? My answer was plain and simple;” my positive energy is what attracts people around me”. And after watching this video about how to be liked, I was amazed to hear Mr Brett talk about positive energy, and so on. In addition, to being yourself with a positive sense of humor, makes everyone comfortable around you. With that said, you are 99% sure of influencing kids or students in a positive way….Ernest Yegha

  10. I think smiling (as long as it is a genuine smile) really goes a long way. I have been contracted to work in public schools from outside agencies for several years. I think greeting everyone with a smile, and maintaining that smile and positivity, even on the most challenging days, has made a huge difference in feeling accepted into the school culture, and considered a part of the faculty,

  11. It's just as important to pair with the people who are going to implement your plan as it is to pair with the learner. I think many analyst's forget that this is an important part of their job. You can come up with a brilliant plan, but if nobody likes you, they aren't going to implement it!

  12. It is very important to pair with the parents. By listening to the parents and allowing them to talk can go a long way in building a relationship with the parents. When going into a new home case, I use a lot of these suggestions when pairing with the family. It’s important to me that I know the client and parents name and some information about them to use in the introductory conversation. By going in prepared and listen to the parents, can create a positive reinforcement pairing environment. This is the first impression that they get of me, and it is important that it is a positive one. It is important that the parents feel a part of team, this will become important when you are implementing a behavior plan and having them follow through on suggestions made in the plan.

  13. Your tip about being okay with being vulnerable at times really helps build a give and take relationship- especially when the person you are working with is routinely put down by people who don't know what they are up against. Needing someone to come in and teach techniques that are going to make life better is hard enough to admit, but that expert coming in and acting like the rest of society- with no compassion and a long list changes that will "fix" it all undercuts a caregiver's confidence in their own instincts and make them think they need to second guess everything they thought they were doing right. By coming in as just another person who maybe knows more about this thing in particular but certainly isn't the expert on the rest of the dynamic, you are really offering help. This is a very useful discussion from the point of view of a parent who isn't the expert but has met both kinds of experts.

  14. Listening is very effective. It is crazy because we are never taught to listen. There is no such thing as a listening teacher. The energy I love that one and able to connect. Smiles and a sense of humor is very welcoming and inviting to others.

  15. My favorites are listening, using names and smiling. When I see these traits in people I feel welcome, comfortable and valued. I like your idea about sharing your vulnerability and matching their energy.

  16. This is not a hate comment….you are genuinely very annoying to listen to. You can be professional and funny.

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