In the past we released a video on how your childhood affects your love style. Now that you’ve identified what your core patterns are, we figured it would be helpful to offer insights on how to work with each love style. Whether your partner is prone to being a distant avoider or an anxious vacillator, know that working out your differences will only strengthen your relationship in the end. Here are five tips on how to work with your partner’s love style. One: the pleaser Charming, nice and known as the stereotypical good students, these type of people actually grew up walking on eggshells. Their parents were most likely either overly critical, overly protective or both. As a result, they have a hard time setting boundaries, saying no and do their best to maintain peace even at their own expense. In relationships they don’t deal with conflict well and may try to avoid it altogether by resorting to bad habits such as lying. To resolve issues with the pleaser show them that it’s normal for things to get messy. But instead of getting mad at them let them know that you want their honest input not something sugar-coated. Two: the victim Victims grew up in a violent, abusive environment. Consequently, they do not like to attract much attention to themselves and prefer to blend in the background. Often compliant and adaptable, it can be hard to tell whether a victim is suffering or not. Common problems they face are putting up with toxic behaviour and choosing a partner who repeats the abusive behavior they’ve been accustomed to. In order to work with a victim provide the encouragement they lacked growing up and set healthy, consistent habits to let them know they are safe with you. Three: the controller Bossy, intimidating and quick to anger, these type of people adopted a black and white mentality at a young age. Either you are controlled or do the controlling. In relationships partners may find them rigid and selfish with their expectations and threatening during breaking points. Inside though they’re definitely hurting. When working with a controller don’t give them the upper hand nor excuse their toxic behavior. Instead, meet in the middle. Let them know that you aren’t the main source of their pain, but rather it’s the unresolved childhood memory they need to address. Four: the vacillator Vacillators grew up in an unpredictable household. Fearing abandonment and yearning for stability, these individuals have felt misunderstood their whole lives. Still, they managed to remain idealistic searching for their soulmate. They have to be careful however, with their starry-eyed nature. Prone to venting, anger and guilt, vacillators will often be paralyzed by the problems they face. They may expect their partners to come up with solutions instead of standing on their own two feet. To work with a vacillators, provide emotional support and listen to their frustrations. Ask them questions and help them reflect on potential solutions, but don’t do the work for them. Over time this will help them realize they are capable of more than they usually think. Five: the avoider Known to be self-sufficient, these types of people value their space and freedom above everyone. Since they come from a background where little to no support was offered they learn to mature fast and take care of themselves. In relationships common problems avoiders face include being dismissive of their partner’s feelings, having difficulty providing empathy and creating too many boundaries to the point of being unreachable. To work with an avoider never try to force ideas onto them or throw temper tantrums. This will only cause them to retreat or shut down even more. Avoiders can get easily overwhelmed if you’re being too emotional or defensive. Give them time to cool off and attempt to problem-solve with them when the both of you are clear minded. Is your love style compatible with your partner’s? What are some challenges you’re facing? Let us know in the comments section below. For more helpful content, please be sure to also subscribe to our channel. Thanks for watching! Hey guys, my name is Yumi and I am one of the partners of psych2go. Today I’m not only here to introduce myself but to also introduce you guys to our amazing psych2go magazines. Don’t they look wonderful? These magazines were all created by our amazing and talented magazine manager Imogen. She put all her time and hard work just to create this for you guys. So everyone can have a little piece of psych2go wherever you guys are. So we are gonna do a little giveaway right now. So we’re gonna pick three winners. There’s no deadline to this at all. And all you gotta do is three little things, okay? 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