INFJs are cold.

INFJs are cold.


hey everyone I’m Frank thanks for
stopping by I’m glad to see you all here today I want to talk about your favorite
personality type and mine the INFJ you know I was thinking how often INFJs are
portrayed as like these great people who are like real empathetic and deep and
stuff but the truth is we can be pretty cold sometimes maybe we don’t mean to be
but it comes across that way so I just wanted to talk about where that comes
from and why sometimes people might say to us hey man you’re being really cold
you’re being a cold heart B word first let me get this candle ready to be lit we’re gonna be smelling today a red
wreath apple red apple wreath if I could read correctly I put it right next to
the crazy pills they’re not crazy pills they’re just advil so shall we get started
so as an INFJ you have the ability to absorb other people’s emotions and it’s
not I say ability like it’s something you can choose to do you can’t choose to
do it it just happens you absorb other people’s emotions it’s not through some
kind of thought process right an INFP you might think oh we’re similar cuz
it’s just one letter off they’re also very good at knowing what someone else
is feeling but it’s through a more intellectual process of being able to
put themselves in another person’s shoes and then figure out oh that’s why this
person feels this way cuz I would feel that way if I went through what they
were going through it’s different with INFJ’s we just feel it it has to do
with being near someone it’s like if you’re in a close proximity to someone
you will feel their emotions and there’s nothing you can do about it ain’t
nothing you can do about it as Diana Ross said in that song so we’re an
emotional sponge and sometimes it can feel like we are on the receiving end
of the world’s emotions we’re just like the dumping ground for everyone else’s
emotions when someone senses that you get them that you understand how they’re
feeling view they connect with you people will just keep doing that keep
unloading on you when they sense this connection and as an infj we don’t like
to say no to people we don’t like to hurt people’s feelings you know and so
when we start to get people dumping on us we just let them we just listen
that’s what we’re good at we’re good at listening and people can tell that
people are like man this person is really listening to me
I feel listened to and they never stop they just keep giving and giving and
giving and you have to keep absorbing all this emotion and let’s be honest
when people really need to connect with someone and unload on them it’s usually
bad emotions so we get overwhelmed with other people’s negative emotions now it
can be good emotions too but usually it doesn’t happen very often unless you’re
dealing with like an enlightened kind of person way there they corner you for an
hour and talk about everything that they’re very happy about and very
thankful about it doesn’t really happen usually they’re talking about oh my life
sucks this is why and we just sit there and take it now there’s a part of this
where after you keep receiving and receiving and and all that listening to
people it’s easy to feel resentful in your mind you’re like I’m giving of
myself all the time I can’t help it I just have to give myself to people in
this way where I’m feeling their emotions and empathizing with them and
they give nothing back and that is very difficult it’s one of the hardest parts
about having this personality type because it
often makes us feel like the world is all take and no give so then what
happens now here’s the one thing about INFJs you may have heard it referred to
as the door slam but it doesn’t necessarily have to be extreme like
shutting people out of your life forever it doesn’t have to be that extreme the
door slam can manifest itself simply and you slamming the door to your room and
saying I need to be alone for a long time because I’ve given of myself so
much that I need to recharge and that that’s the thing about introverts all
introverts need to recharge from social interaction but I think infj is tend to
let the battery go extremely extremely low critical battery level low until
you’re totally burnt out and I think other introverts maybe don’t go that far
or they don’t have as much endurance our batteries are big and we let them go
down to extremely low levels and so it takes a long time to get recharged if
you follow that metaphor that analogy that I’m putting forward there the
problem is that we can’t just shut the door and take a lie down on the bed for
a week or two at a time we have to go out into the world you have to see all
these people we have to function as human beings and so we end up shutting
the door psychologically to people because we can’t help but feel other
people’s emotions we have to kind of withdraw and become cold and other
people’s eyes in order to just protect ourselves and recuperate you know we
can’t we can’t keep going at the same rate all the time and so that is why it
is easy for other people to say man you were you were listening to
me last week I was telling you all about my IBS and how it affected my dating
life and you were you were just right there listening to me the whole time and
now you won’t even say hello to me all right now you just used to say oh hi
how’s it going and then you run you you’re not giving me the time of day
anymore man you’re cold I thought you were a different man but
the truth is that maybe in a couple weeks we can go back to being the
emotional sponge allowing ourselves to do that but for the time being we need
to we need to recover and it’s not easy it’s we’re drained entirely now as you
develop as a person this is something that needs to be addressed if this is
something that I’m learning myself is learning to kind of find a deeper peace
that isn’t affected by the turbulence of the ripples on top of the water this is
why enough Jays are drawn to spiritual practices spirituality religion or you
know meditation things like that because it’s a way of finding that piece that
isn’t shaken even though we’re absorbing all this emotion and stuff we need to
develop that core that is unmoved within us or maybe not develop it find it
because it’s there I believe already and that’s why I have a my life I’m trying
to develop myself spiritually so that I am not so easily upset and disturbed and
not tossed about on the you know turbulent waves of life as infj is we
take things so much more deeply and thinking things can make a swing back
and forth so much emotionally that we need to find that that peace within us
or we’re gonna lose our minds so that’s why I enough Jays can be cold to people
and that’s what we can do about it I think well I thank you for watching I
really appreciate it if you liked it click that like button
if you didn’t like it get out of here I don’t want to talk to you and if you
want to see more videos subscribe okay now to close it out I just wanted to do
a quick little segment that is a bit different I just want to share a few
books that I’m reading right now that I think are helping me go down the
spiritual path and you know check them out alright so first this is one that I
finished a couple weeks ago this is the wisdom of insecurity by Alan Watts
there’s a ton of Alan Watts stuff on YouTube a lot of his lectures I highly
recommend checking those out basically what this book is about is how we spend
too much time in our minds thinking and that we miss out on the pleasure of life
because we’re too worried about living life we take it too seriously and that
it is only in acknowledging what we do not and cannot know that we can find
something truly worth knowing all right next up I’m reading falling into grace
by adyashanti he’s got a lot of videos on YouTube also he’s definitely more
spiritual than Alan Watts Alan Watts is kind of like oh he’s like a step removed
from the spirituality he’s teaching he’s not like a devotee he’s just kind of
explaining things you know idea shanti is more about awakening enlightenment
all that kind of stuff this book is very similar to the power of now by Eckhart
Tolle but is a bit more in-depth I think and written in a more conversational way
I recommend this I enjoy it I’m not that far into it but it’s good also I got
this book and the next one I’m going to talk about from thrift books calm and
it’s very cheap but it’s kind of interesting because it’s like an old
library book and this is from the Denver Library who knew isn’t that interesting
I’m reading this book that was in the Denver Public Library well I think it’s
interesting and then lastly meister eckhart at the
celebrated 14th century mister in scholar this is you know Eckhart
Tolle took his name from meister eckhart this is like you know a more spiritual
kind of a spiritual mystical book and you can see that these are just short
things you can read in there but it’s from a Christian perspective but a lot
of it is really profound let me just read one line that I thought
I thought was really like whoa no that no man in this life ever gave up so much
that he could not find something else to let go like dang son anyway those are
the books I’m reading check them out and I hope that can be a segment I bring
back every once in a while to tell you what I’m reading I read very slowly
because I don’t read much at a time so it’ll probably be like three years
before I do another one all right well anyway thanks for watching bye bye

100 thoughts on “INFJs are cold.

  1. 🔴 Here's another video you'll like: Unhealthy INFJ: 7 Signs You're an Unhealthy INFJ https://youtu.be/AwATt5_nXNM ⭐

  2. Yeah, it usely happen that a person doesn't even know me for longer than a few months, days of even something longer than a few hours, they will just start to telling me things, trusting me with things that aren't things you should trust with a stranger. I am just saying

  3. The main reasons I end up acting "cold" is:
    1. I'm just drained and don't want to be bothered
    2. I'm tired of fake people
    3. I'm tired of people using me

  4. lol I have always been told I look unapproachable, aloof, and even bad tempered until they talk to me or I find the courage to talk just so I don’t create an uncomfortable atmosphere, then their demeanor will just change to incredibly welcoming and even engaged and say things like “Honestly…I wasn’t expecting this, you’re actually nice and funny, why don’t you join us more often?”

  5. People have accused me of being cold. A "friend" told me that's what he thought of me after 25 years. I asked if he still thought of me that way. He said yes. I was done. How can you change how someone think about you on that level after 25 years. I told him, I suppose for 25 years he thought me a human, did not have feelings. I never considered thinking of him in a negative way because it wouldn't be useful since he hadn't done anything to warrant judgement. I askeed him what have I done to warrent that sort of judgemenl. He said "you are strong".
    Our relationship was over at that point.

  6. Dear content creator I owe you so much I have the INFJ personality type but I couldn't explain it to my S. O. your videos are helping me save the relationship I am in with the information you give and the easy to understand terms you use. I just found you recently wish I could have found you sooner in my life. Thank you for all your awesome content and I hope u stay around for a long time I love learning about these things so I can have a better understanding of people.

  7. When my father passed away, I really struggled (and still do) to come to terms with everything. I had to do a massive retreat away from everyone because being around people felt way too overwhelming on top of my own erratic emotions that I was trying to process. This video put some things into perspective for me.

  8. This hits home far too much for me. Sometimes I really really deeply hate being an INFJ. This whole dynamic makes me feel so closed off from people

  9. Hello Frank, you are just so cute LOL I can understand that INFJ might close them selves off and be cold because the have just worn themselves out, but I have learned a good trick for this if someone needs to unburden themselves to me I give them a time limit I tell them that I can talk to them for only thirty minutes but I tell them we can meet again for another thirty minutes thats all the time I am willing to absorb their unhappiness, you have to have boundaries for yourself so that people don't take advantage of you, this way I can fully help them and spend quality time trying to listen to their problems, but of course being an introvert I need still time , so everyday, I meditate, take a nap, listen to music or read a book to wind down, so I am never a cold INFJ, because I have strong boundaries to protect myself from being overwhelmed we want to help people but at the same time it cant be at the expense of our own limits, Frank I think that you are a very spiritual person you just don't realize how much you are, I think you have a wise soul, you have very interesting and thought provoking videos great job thanks a lot Judy Talamoni, maybe you can catch my videos sometimes,

  10. As an INFJ I frequently read from the book of Proverbs in the Bible and one of my favorite verses is “All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.” Proverbs 15;15

  11. Sponge is accurate. Feel depleted almost every day 🤦‍♀️🤔 cant say no even when I have no emotional space left because I feel guilty 😥 thank God for those few people that share positive things with me. You portrayed the issue so well. Just want to recharge for days or weeks now😂 ✨

  12. I'm an ENFJ (though sometimes I don't always feel extroverted). I also can be overwhelmed by other's emotions, or I should say their "stuff." Hell, I'm an Extrovert but need to get away and recharge too!
    Sometimes its just the way certain persons just get pissed or whatever, and they think its okay to dump on you. I think being an "NF", especially the F part is where we can get pulled into others. Over recent years I've learned how to put better barriers to this, but sometimes the raw energy of others can really be difficult. Its not just about the INFJ, I think some other types, again especially the F types can be really taken for a ride.

  13. Well said! I’m married to an INFJ. you nailed it! Once I figured these things out, it’s much easier to communicate and I notice when personal space is needed. He’s happier too!

  14. The one infj I know is literally the most annoying, obnoxious, cold, rude, and aloof. I’ve never met someone I dislike more… and I’m forced to work with him and pretend I like him….. and the whole emotions things with him is so off he could care less about other people and their needs or emotions.

  15. I’ve been reading these two books that lately that I think would be good books to read if there is anybody out there that is into spirituality. One is The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and the other is Living Beyond Your Feeling by Joyce Myers.

  16. From one fellow INFJ to another I would love to just talk and pick your brain. I find you very fascinating, I don’t often meet people that understand me so well.

  17. I will be a friend toward someone even if I don't completetly click with them in a great way. So dealing with rejection of friendships is common bc once it's over then I'm okay with cut contact. The rejection sucks but I realize it was better to not be around them in the long-run.

  18. I used to think these traits were because I am a Scorpio ♏️. Now I see I am still so “different” bc of being an INFJ.
    Thank you for your time, knowledge and humor in your videos! ✨💗✨

  19. Sharing a bunch of spiritual books you like is the most INFJ thing I’ve seen in awhile but as a fellow INFJ I appreciate it!

  20. Yesss just got told yesterday when speaking with a reiki master that I have an energy where you feel you could tell your whole life story just when meeting me. And I thought that was kind but also harmful

  21. INFP here…a verse from a poem inspired by an INFJ.

    A bitter departure feigned
    As bittersweet.
    Not once did my tongue
    Revel in her sweet campaign
    Of deception
    While this evil queen reigned.

  22. When you feel everything you feel, everything everyone else feels, and after pondering how you feel is not actually related to anything based in logic…. You become NUMB. Not just because you are overwhelmed but because you simply stop caring. You been through this before. Its old news. Your life sucks but talking to me makes you feel alot better about it, thats great, im hungry.

  23. It is so hard to go into recovery without people being worried that I’m ghosting them. I understand my friends care for me, but they just don’t understand I just need to be alone and I’m not upset because of them.

  24. I'm an INFJ and INFJ needs to stop being soooo whiney. We need to set BOUNDARIES, BOUNDRIES PEOPLE. You don't HAVE TO absorb people's emotions and there are ways of protecting our energy. You should talk about that. We are not victims here. Jeeeeezus.

    Ps you look like Kurt Cobain.

  25. I am an older infj. So certain things I have learned to turn off. When people begin dumping I shut down or tell them straight up “no”. I can help with wisdom and direction if asked, but you will not dump your filth and foolishness on me. Took me years to learn it.

  26. Man…I could never put this into words thinking i was crazy but it's so good finally feeling understood..thank you for that.

  27. Hahaha this is sooo me but in not going back to being the emotional sponge esp if u wasn't there 4 me them days are over.

  28. Very very true! I have to cut myself off completely from people, and retreat to my own inner world as much as possible because I can't say no when I open myself up to other people's needs to vent.

  29. So true and we spoil everyone around us so that their expectations of us are that we will always be there to give and give.

  30. You’re so right, people keep coming to us for relief of their emotions. We tend to take it all in and keep giving more and more. We never say “No”.

    We let our battery die, not just go low. Others never seem to understand why we need so much time alone, sometimes it’s very long, weeks or months.

    Being cold is our way to stop the draining interaction. There’s no way around it when you’re forced to give up the alone time to recharge.

    We tend to think everyone is taking our energy, even when we can’t give anymore, and people seek us out.

    I always want to help and listen, I love the world and the people and animals, but INFJ needs to learn balance.

    That’s never going to happen! Lol

    It’s always give, listen, and give until you’re having panic attacks nightly. Then we hide until we fill ourselves up again, so we can give some more.

    Thanks cutie, I’m enjoying your videos, I can feel your INFJ energy and I can see why we are so attractive to people, I think I’m in love. ♥️ 😜

  31. anyone weird like me and just arranges social meetups everyday for one week straight and then just shut myself in my room for two weeks after?

  32. I am an INFJ and I know this video is about a year old but right now this video is the right word for me tonight. My daughter is recovering from surgery, tonsils, she is in pain and I’ve been here at home for a whole week I only went to Jack in the box tonight and one time to the pharmacy. I took her to the hospital I took her home and now she’s mad because I want to sleep in my own room! I also have Fibromyalgia and I’m 54 she’s 26! Her boyfriend is not even visiting her. I am at hr beck and call. My husband doesn’t help in the house he comes home from work and sits on the couch! I am taking care of the 3 dogs, and do all chores and you have no idea how truthful this video is to me right now! My daughter just told me ,” you should have told me you didn’t want to help me!” But she won’t go sit on the couch she’s in the room all day and she doesn’t want to walk or even go get water for herself! I do it all and yes im so tired in body and mind. Thank you! I needed this video.

  33. Learning to recognize when I need to recharge has been a huge game changer for me. Lately I like to recharge by reconnecting with the elements, acknowledging the duality of the universe, and telling myself all the affirmations I tell others. Sometimes I listen to meditation music and diffuse oils. Finding my witchcraft.

  34. I will help you, do things for you, give you money, listen to you but when I am done I will ghost you faster than fast and never look back. I can be totally cold hearted but your most empathic best friend. 😂

  35. I want to say thank you.
    I've only just discovered am an INFJ.

    Years of actually wondering if I'm an empath, crazy with so much in my head, I grew up with my family referring to my mind as my own "Emma's world" I get so drained and yes, people always come to me to talk and they really don't stop for hours. AND the door slam, so true…
    Even things like news events could emotionally empower me almost as the bad things happened to me, I drive my husband crazy as I pick up on his mood all the time and reflect it back.

    I never let people close, I feel very few know the real me, I said all my life I'm an introvert but can be an extrovert at times, with people not really believing the Introvert, even put my introvert side down to anxiety as I don't want to socialize, I want my own company.

    Only downside of discovering the whole INFJ am do not have a secret psychic power after all… Just in tune with everything lol

    But all the videos you have made, it is putting into words what I've never been able to explain, I feel at home and less weird and maybe I'm not the only one anymore that thinks the way I do…
    THANK YOU

  36. I just found your vids yesterday.
    I took the Meyers-Briggs test and it came out I am INFJ.
    Your words here ring so true to who I am. I'm so very thankful for you Mr. Frank. I now do not feel so alone and looney.

  37. I'm INFJ and I read Qur'an for spiritual and find peace. You can try to read Al-Qur'an, because Qur'an is a heart medicine. All aspect of life in one book.

  38. Fellow INFJ'S: the "peace" that is unshakable is Nature. Which is why so many of us become nature buffs and advocates.
    Also, the big bang was a catastrophic event that destroyed the Home planets of the 7 races. All races then searched for a new planet to inhabit. There was only one left in this galaxy. Here, we(all 7 races,all Aliens) met the First Nation people's. It is at this time, after the years required to get here from differing celestial bodies, that all religions got formed. Often by the different First Nation people observing Us (the Angels of lore) ascending to Earth and providing impossible knowledge to them. In time, we've (the aliens) out bred the First Nation peoples,of all continents, and now they live in "reservations". We've become, by interbreeding (the likes of which are mentioned in the B.I.B.L.E. for those so inclined) the same now. We are , now, all Humans.
    But this was not the case.
    Earth was/is a refugee camp, and we've taken it over with very little regard as to how to maintain balance between population and Resources.
    None of Us (alien half breeds) belong here ,except First Nation People.
    Find the happiness of The Truth, my INFJ friends.! Find it in Nature. Listen to the Mycelium,Star Children!!

  39. I've just discovered your channel, and just want to say thank you. Your videos help me so much. I've absorbed so much energy that I needed to shut the door for 3 years to recharge myself.

  40. Omg…. I was present with my children today all morning and at 150pm… I am hiding in my closet re charging watching this… Lol… Going to head to gym soon… You are teaching me great stuff FJ. Thank you…. Oh and I was super spontaneous today…. HOLY MOLEY

  41. What you said are all quite true, but as an older INFJ who had gone through all the self-help books for more than three decades, the best spiritual book is the Bible.

  42. The ultimate goal of us infjs is finding enlightenment in oneself. Your life will then take you by the hands to throw you into the current you just go go with it xD

  43. I will slam your face in the door a thousand times over if you don't deserve what your asking for and if you demand from me I will slay you. All this caring…yup but understand I will hurt you if you don't back off. THAT is what IS to be Infj. Stop being a victim..because we can mirror that back a break a mf in 2.5. We don't won't to be this way..but if you make us….you should run if you take advantage of an Infj. I don't care what anyone tells you…an Infj will NOT forgive you once you cross the line…we CAN'T. We can't fkn. Afford you!!! They NEVER give anything back…because most ppl are parasites…sorry to spit so much truth. We can't fkn.stand you. We need you to kindly PHAWKOFF. Are you offended? I am not sorry..you need to learn to carry your DAMN self..we can't carry you. Carry your OWN pain. You need to understand you can deal with it…you don't need to hang on us, you drain the life out of us so we HAVE to shut you out.

  44. How in the WORLD do I explain this to my mom? She is an extrovert and seems to usually think I can recharge from a multiple hour event in 30 minutes or less.

  45. Best suggestion: face your greatest fear(s). I'd been rejected since childhood, different era, so mine, I discovered in my teen years, was abandonment and fear of being alone. Knowing that saved me during my 20's because I'd dealt with it and when one of the two happened, I could make it through.

    Know thyself IS the key.

  46. You’re a very young INFJ, I’m an older one, and trust me when I say this, you might one day find yourself telling the takers, to go FXXK themselves. You won’t even torment yourself for doing it. So while you’re still young, try to learn how to set up boundaries, it might help you to avoid later wanting to strangle others.

  47. I recently just discovered I am a INFJ and honestly never felt like I've been understood wholeheartedly by anyone. I resonate so much with what you said in this video and it almost made me cry because I finally feel like I'm not crazy.

  48. You might enjoy the writing of Llwellyn Vaughan Lee, of the Golden Sufi Centre. LVL has lots of videos on YouTube under his name or the Golden Sufi Centre. I just discovered Thrift Books on Friday! So great. Let me know what you think of LVL if you do check him out. 💖

  49. I don't think ur very sensitive Frank, coming from a very sensitive/irritable person I just shut down emotionally and most sensitive people do that your more detached and practical or maybe your just acting like u have no emotions 😏

  50. To me when someone is portraying themselves one way but you can see how they reallly are and feel. I get frustrated with them and confused as to why they would hide the real them, when the real them is actually the reason why you like them in the first place! When I try to help said person be more comfortable being themselves they tell me I'm being cold and judgmental towards them!

  51. This was incredibly helpful to hear what your secrets are (empath) and how you operate in the world. It's a relief to hear it acknowledged. not crazy, no. Oh but I had to watch from the side of m eye because I perceive you to be too close to the camera. Like if someone is standing too close while talking to me. Anyway, thank you

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