Manage Difficult Behaviors With Three Magic Words [Parenting Tips]

Manage Difficult Behaviors With Three Magic Words [Parenting Tips]

Hi there I’m Lori Petro and you are watching
another episode of our weekly Q&A where I show you how to create TEACHable Moments with
your kids. Today we are taking a question from Michelle
and she asks, Dear Lori, I am so tired of saying NO to my
children. It seems I say the same thing to them all day long – even though they already
KNOW the answers to the questions. No sugary snacks before bed
No games before homework No going to the park without your sister
No you can’t cut the sleeves off your shirt Why do they ask me the same thing over and
over and how can I respond so that they don’t keep asking. . My frustration level hits the
roof every time this happens and I feel like I can’t take another moment of this pestering.
Please help! Michelle Michelle I totally hear you and I totally
feel you. My daughter will do this – even though she knows it’s something like “a NO
TV time” – she will ask, and repeatedly. I repeat no until I’m worn out or ignore her
which isn’t very responsive to her needs. Sometimes our kids nag or ask for things they
know they can’t have as a way of telling us they need some coping strategies in the moment,
or that they just need someone to listen. When my daughter asks for TV over and over,
it’s often a sign that she’s frustrated about how the limit feels and wants to express that,
but she’s at a loss for how to tell me. So she asks again and again. So I’ve come up with one phrase that is inviting,
builds connection and teaches your child that you are invested in hearing her out. I pick up this cue – with “TELL ME MORE” Tell me more is like sugar-coated medicine.
It’s the supercalifragilisticxpialadocious of the moment Tell me more invites your child to share more
about the helplessness he feels or the emotional storm swirling inside – or gives her the opportunity
to fantasize about what she would really like. When your child asks for a sugary snack. you
can say “Tell me more — and if she wishes for a box of chocolate, acknowledge, “You
sure wish you could eat the whole box of chocolates. Tell me more about how good that would feel.” If your child asks for “games before homework” “Tell me more – and you might hear that he
doesn’t want to do his homework, there’s your opening. “Homework is feeling like a drag.
Tell me the most difficult part” If your child asks to go to the park alone
when she knows she needs to be accompanied. “Tell me more about your plan.” You might
find she’s feeling a need to be autonomous or that she’s feeling impatient. “It’s hard
being little sometimes. Or it’s not fair to have to wait for your sister – tell me
more.” If your child asks to cut the sleeves off
of your favorite party dress – you can ask TELL ME MORE about your idea. She may express
a desire to learn to sew – at which point you can direct her to more appropriate fabrics. Tell me more doesn’t give permission and — can
be in place of NO in so many situations. Your children don’t need you to convince them
of the logic or your No’s – they don’t want you to reason with them, they just want to
feel heard and WORK through their emotions WITH you, together, in relationship. It can also be your “space between stimulus
and response” Tell me more can be your mindful mantra – a cue to remind you to breathe – and
relax before you set limits or help your child through a difficult moment. Michelle that was my TEACHable Moment for
you and now I’d like you to TELL ME MORE! How can you respond with enthusiasm to your
kids nagging? Can you appreciate and accept it? And if not, what’s the hardest part? Let’s
find out what the real problem is and share some solutions in the comments below. And if you liked this video – I’d be honored
to have you share it with someone you love on or your favorite social media site because
when you share the love the love spreads. And if you don’t want to miss another update
be sure to join the thousands of families who already find their inspiration right here.
You can subscribe to my YouTube channel and then get on my email list for updates and
free classes. Until next time, please remember it’s about
consciousness, not perfection.

21 thoughts on “Manage Difficult Behaviors With Three Magic Words [Parenting Tips]

  1. But 'Tell me more…' does not give supplies to work on a project. My mom has been using this technique for months, but I have everything planned for a project and all I need are the materials in trying to make it. Maybe I just wasn't straight forward enough with asking for permission to buy materials online. 

  2. Can you give one or two examples of what a full conversation should sound like AFTER the child "Tells you more." For example, in the sugary treat example, if they share their desire and can express why they would like the treat, then what should happen? Do we respond to the same question the same way tomorrow? Thanks in advance!

  3. i have watched about five of your videos tonight and i am very surprised to realize that i do a lot of what you suggest! Makes me feel like a good mom! I really like the suggestion in this video and i am gonna do it!! thanks for the great videos!!!

  4. anyone knows how to say that "tell me more" in indonesian? not simply literal translation but what do we Indonesians say to express that

  5. I like these three words, but it feels like they would give false hope to the child that they would get what they ask for if only they explain it better. What if the answer is still "no"?

  6. my teenage daughter if I asked her tell me what you feel. She's hides the whole thing, though the other one also a teen we communicate well, even though we have bumps we talk through anything and everything. My other daughter is reserved and quiet I tried all I can to make her share her frustrations

  7. My daughter is 11 and has been caught shoplifting twice, skipping school eight times, and constantly lies and disobeys. I've tried everything that I can think of to correct this but nothing seems to work. I'm sorry, but "tell me more" just doesn't sound like it's going to work.

  8. I love the mantra! I use "You tell me." That usually gets the kids to think about all the posibilities and established limits. I also like to follow with, "And then what?" That helps to extend the conversation and help them resolve to decide foe themselves.

  9. ……I'm skeptical this will work on a child who actually enjoys causing pain to others for their entertainment.
    Edit: im going to test this before I write it off. I'll update later.

  10. Personally I hated these kind of starters. I Always felt patronized and get more pissed off about the situation.
    On the other hand I felt I could always come up with a work around for any rule/issue. Like no park without sister; my Friend can come with me. No candy before bed; I'll drink warm relaxing tea after.

  11. Thanks I try those 3 words, tell me express this to 20 year old who needs help with her nana in the phillipeanes, she poor and consistently asking for my help, need money as I have little money at this point see if can or cannot help, but I give it go to see what she comes up with to stop her going on at me, I love her , but need to be strong

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and knowledge as this will help, keep you updated on how it went down

  12. Are you ready to cure behavioural issues? Look up a man by the name of Aajonus Vonderplanitz. He cured his own autism through diet alone. Raw, organic, grass-fed A2 cows milk, cream, butter and ghee. He also heavily benefitted from the meat and organs too. Raw organic eggs also work very well. Strictly no veg, no fruit, no carbs! Once you have cured whoever needs curing, it's time to focus on the people peddling vaccines, medicine and all things deracinating you from your natural lifestyles. Good luck!

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