Traits Of A Narcissistic Mother | Pt. 14


She terrorizes. For all abusers, fear is a
powerful means of control of the victim, and your narcissistic mother used it ruthlessly
to train you. Narcissists teach you to beware their wrath even when they aren’t present.
The only alternative is constant placation. If you give her everything she wants all the
time, you might be spared. If you don’t, the punishments will come. Even adult children
of narcissists still feel that carefully inculcated fear. Your narcissistic mother can turn it
on with a silence or a look that tells the child in you she’s thinking about how she’s
going to get even. Not all narcissists abuse physically, but most do, often in subtle,
deniable ways. It allows them to vent their rage at your failure to be the solution to
their internal havoc and simultaneously to teach you to fear them. You may not have been
beaten, but you were almost certainly left to endure physical pain when a normal mother
would have made an effort to relieve your misery. This deniable form of battery allows
her to store up her rage and dole out the punishment at a later time when she’s worked
out an airtight rationale for her abuse, so she never risks exposure. You were left hungry
because “you eat too much.” (Someone asked her if she was pregnant. She isn’t). You always
went to school with stomach flu because “you don’t have a fever. You’re just trying to
get out of school.” (She resents having to take care of you. You have a lot of nerve
getting sick and adding to her burdens.) She refuses to look at your bloody heels and instead
the shoes that wore those blisters on your heels are put back on your feet and you’re
sent to the store in them because “You wanted those shoes. Now you can wear them.” (You
said the ones she wanted to get you were ugly. She liked them because they were just like
what she wore 30 years ago). The dentist was told not to give you Novocain when he drilled
your tooth because “he has to learn to take better care of his teeth.” (She has to pay
for a filling and she’s furious at having to spend money on you.)n Narcissistic mothers
also abuse by loosing others on you or by failing to protect you when a normal mother
would have. Sometimes the narcissist’s golden child will be encouraged to abuse the scapegoat.
Narcissists also abuse by exposing you to violence. If one of your siblings got beaten,
she made sure you saw. She effortlessly put the fear of Mom into you, without raising
a hand.

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